"A wise man changes his mind, a fool never"

Some thoughts...

2011-09-11T01:22:00.002+08:00

After a long day, finally it has come to an end. After of intense preparation for the youth concert for about a month, it finally paid off the effort tonight. Many youth came and many of them responded to the message. It's all because of God's goodness towards His people. Not even a single glory that we can claim from it. It's purely from Him and from Him alone. Praise be to God.

But nevertheless, hah, yup. There is a "BUT". I rather left the concert unsatisfied. I feel that there are things that could be more better. It troubles me to no end. But again, welcome to my life. Church perhaps is the only place you can find so many imperfect people. Don't get me wrong, that includes me, cause I'm part of the church too. No wonder Jesus have to come to save us and to died for us for there is no other way we can help ourselves. Only God can. Perhaps this is a good thing. So that there are rooms for improvement. Perhaps next week we can do better. A reason not to be complacent.

As I'm driving back from sending my youths back home, a thought came into my mind. I'm working as hard I am previously, in fact, more than my previously actually. But how come I felt more reluctantly to sacrifice? Then I figured out the reason. A TEAM that support you makes a HUGE different. It makes you feel that you're not alone and there are many reasons for you to continue to strive because you know that when you're knocked down, there are people looking out for you. But when you worked alone, no way! But this will not be a reason for me to back up and fold my hand and do nothing. But continue to learn how to provide an atmosphere of working together as a team. Many times, you'll not get the support you wanted from the friends or peers you've expected, in fact, rarely it would happened. But when there are people like that in your life, treasure them. For they are your lifter.

Alright, the rest, maybe perhaps better off to keep in mind as meditation. Good nite!

Prayer has been answered..

2011-09-08T00:10:00.004+08:00

Yup, I'm back again.. Suddenly feel like blogging after such a long while I've not update since like, (sigh). What? Like ah, 6 months ago? Hahaha. It's rather busy over here in the church here. Event after events. Well, what's new for this past 6 months? I tell you what's new. I got my MACBOOK PRO... Finally... After so many years of asking God and with my full dedication of believing that one day, one day "You'll be mine!" And true enough, that "DAY" came.. What a journey of faith.

Recently from what I've learned through devotions and also by listening to a few sermons, one one verse prompted me to remind me about a lesson of prayer. In Mark 11:24, it says, "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours". True enough that I've received it. Sometimes I felt that my faith is not that strong either, cause' I always doubt that could I ever have a chance to get a macbook? It's way to expensive and I simply couldn't afford it. Oh ya, did I mentioned it's a gift too? Hahaha..

The Bible clearly said, "WHATEVER you ask for in prayer", whatever means whatever. Whatever also can be ask through prayer. Sometimes we don't dare to ask much or simply we don't believe by asking we can get what we wanted. I believe this is not He intended for us to have such a small faith. Well, my prayers have been answered one by one when the time is right. What I need to do is just to believe. I personally don't think it's too hard. At the first place, you don't even have it, what's wrong with believing that you will get it someday? No harm for me to put my whole self to believe it in. With that, I got my reward.. Thank you God..

*my first post with my mac mac* Ngek Ngek Ngek..

Tsunami in Japan...

2011-03-15T01:23:00.002+08:00

A major event has caused the worldwide to be concerned about, especially those neighboring countries of Japan. I’ve been following the news on CNN and it really doesn’t look good at all. Those videos really show how devastating the earthquakes and tsunami are and the damages that causes are enormous. Besides earthquakes and tsunami, now with the addition of explosion of the nuclear power plant has raised the fears of citizen in Japan to another level.

As I am typing, I’m still reading the news. It’s really saddening to witness such news. But what are more depressing is, these people instead of praying or contributing something to ease the pain that the Japanese are facing, they argued over whose fault it was and complained about the situation. These comments that are posted in Youtube and the CNN news are really not necessary and it’s ridiculous. Do what you can help instead of just arguing about religions or whose fault was that. Some even worst, they make fun of the situation. Even some of the Christians went as far as saying that it is the judgment of God because the nations have sinned and went far away from God. I’m not saying that is entirely wrong, but the question is, what is the right thing or the right words to say now?

We all somehow knew that God is the one who is in control, but God is God. He’s sovereign and He’s far more superior to us. We will never know what plan He has for us; from a small individual to a nation. When the nations/countries is experiencing prosperous period, very often we will not mentioned a single bit about God, giving thanks to His blessing and provision. But then calamities comes upon them, then we will start putting all the blames to God. What a joke. Like what Job said to his wife, “You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?”

I don’t know what are the reason behind why God did this, but a visible sign that we all can see is that, the world are united to help those who are in trouble. China are sending over rescue team, money and supplies, U.S troops arrived to support Japanese forces in disaster to relief operations, and I believed that there are many more who can’t wait to help. Disasters, calamities, circumstances or personal struggling happened for one reason, to make us stronger and to unite all the people together to solve the situation.

Japan will be in my prayers especially during this Lent season and give in whatever area that I can.

God, bless Japan and the people in it.

Lesson learned over breakfast

2011-03-11T10:27:00.004+08:00

This morning I had a wonderful and fruitful breakfast! Not only nice food, but also met an auntie and uncle from my previous church. Had a good chat with uncle and he slip money into my pocket, in fact lots of them. I’m not saying the piece of money, it’s just an illustration. He told me a lot of history about how he supported the church and how he willing to go from one church to the other just to help the needy church. We young people go from one church to the other is because we feel that the church got issues or we don’t particularly like the church setting or the style or whatever, but this uncle, he did the direct opposite. He purposely went to the church that has needs and he is willing to help. What a man of God. I think now he is at least early 60’s. But still, he and his wife commit to the church where there’s a young priest in charge of the church to support them. What a good example to set to the young people.

He told me one thing that really strikes me. He says “History is very important! You’ve gotta know the history so that the same mistakes wouldn’t be repeated again.” How true!! He starts telling me what he’s gone through and all his experiences in life; in brief.

What conclusion that I draw from him is that, if we (the younger generation) want to be successful in our lives; we need to talk and learn from these aunties and uncles experiences. They had gone through many things in life, both successful and failure in their lives. We truly can learn many from them if we just take the initiative to talk to them. This is also why the same reason why God gave the word to them and ask them to teach their children about who God is and what He had done in the past. By knowing what God has done for their past generation creates faith in the children's life for future development. And why we do need to read the bible now is because we also need to know the history so that we won't repeat most of the mistake that they have made. Quoted from Norman Cousins "History is a vast early warning system."

I’m learning now really how to connect not only to peers, which I think I’ve learned from my previous church, but now also to more elderly people and the younger ones and also the youngest ones. So that in future, it’s useful for me to understand their struggles. Always be willing to learn, you've never know how much you can be a better person.

*A fruitful breakfast that only fills the stomach but also mind!*

Happy Fasting everyone!

2011-03-10T08:11:00.005+08:00

Today in Christians calendar marks the beginning of the Lent season where mostly Christians will be fasting and praying to achieve some sort of growth and discipline in our spiritual life. These 40 days fast and pray serves as a reminder to all Christians that Jesus was being tempted 40 days by Satan in the desert the same amount of days and Jesus triumphed over all of the temptations. In this period of time, Christians are ought to be more serious in terms of disciplining and growing our spiritual life. What we do in our daily routines, we will fast at least one of those things that we usually do and replace it with prayer. It could be anything or any form of addiction, such as computer games, ps3, psp, particular food or junk food, drama series, or a particular habit such as scolding and cursing someone while you’re on the hectic massive traffic jam, gossiping, or perhaps using improper language in your conversation to curse and swear.

Well, I'll be fasting mainly 2 things. One is lunch and the very reason why I started to blog again because the second thing that I'm fasting is Facebook. I need to write down somewhere what I’ve learned. *sniff*.Not that I worship Facebook or something, but it really taken me a lot of my time and attention. As I was thinking what to fast besides lunch, well, I thought of Facebook.

You see, facebook, like it or not, it has become a HUGE part in our life. We shared our experiences in life, we upload the photos where we’ve been, share our thoughts, sometimes just update what we’re doing currently and where we are currently.

*The following story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event, well mostly*.

For example, when the cinema suddenly experiencing power cut in the middle of the movie, almost immediately you will see many will take out the “torch lights” and they will start harassing the “torch light” and update their status saying “What the heck? Power cut?? WHY? What about my movie tickets? You spoiled my date!” followed by obscene language. How do I know? Mostly, we are also one of them. Instead of taking your “torch light” to shine they way, you shine it on your face. And most of the time, almost immediately, when I said immediately is like real immediately, you’ll get respond pretty fast and those respond are such as “You too?” Then next thing you’ll do when you get the notification is you’ll take a good look at the friend beside you and said, “You’re just beside me dude. Like that also want to comment?” Typical Malaysian English! Hahahaha..

Facebook or some of these networking websites has really spice up our life definitely. Sadly some people misused these good things. Well, today is the beginning of Lent, so happy fasting everyone!

*Since I've decided to fast Facebook, well, blogging is the way to go now!*

Happy Chinese New Year!!

2011-01-25T00:44:00.000+08:00

It’s been a while that I wanted to update my blog but due to busyness and “procrastinating”, I’ve not been doing so. I have so many things wanted to share about my life and all the things I’ve learned but don’t know when I got time to put those thoughts in words and due to that it’s bottleneck now. Too many things until I don’t know what to type now. Just type something to get it started first. Hahaha..

It’s been 4 months now I’m away from home. The place where I am now brings me a lot of challenges and I believed for these past 4 months I’ve grown a lot both in spiritually and also physically. Hahaha.. Hard to maintain on physically though. But still ok la.. Still consider “fit” la. I’m really missing home a lot. I missed my mom, my brothers, my church and my friends too. This time is the longest period I’m away from home. But thank God for Chinese New Year.. Hahaha.. I’ll be back to KL again for a week. Hooray!!

I’ve never really appreciate the value of family until I left the home. Well, those who are with your family members now better appreciate them better especially during the festival that is coming. Family is very important among all because this is the one thing that you can’t choose. Among so many choices of life that we have, we can’t choose or decide which family that we’re going to born too. I believed God has His purpose to put us into a specific family. And I’m thinking is to show our love to them. I don’t know about you, but the more I know God through His words, the more actually I love God and I find it easier to love my family. Back then, I really find it hard to love my family, but with God’s grace, I’m a changed person now. I started to value family now. Maybe this is part and puzzle of life. The older you grow, the lesser friends you will have and at the end you’ll find out that, only family will last. Friends are important, but families are more important. Same principle applies to money. Money is important, but God is the most important. During this Chinese New Year festival, choose family over career will ya? Put family first above all else.

Happy Chinese New Year everyone! Don’t gamble ah!! Hahaha.. God bless…

A child's prayer

2010-10-17T15:58:00.004+08:00

After a long day started from 5.30 am till now, the most happiest things for today is when I served in the children's cell. It's very joyful when you see all the children giving all their best in playing games and singing songs to worship God. It's full of joy and energy. It totally made up my day seeing the kids learning all the dance actions and singing along. Their are just so inspiring to look at.

After the worship, one of the Sunday school teacher reported that one of the child omitted to hospital was discharged 2 days ago and when she asked among the children who would like to pray for the child and guess what? A 5 year old boy stood up and walk up front to the stage and pray a very simple pray. "God, please heal Abigael so that she will be healthy and she can come to my church". Just that simple prayer, my heart was melted right away. In my heart I was wondering, how can God resist not to answer a prayer like that? It was pure from heart and genuine.. After been transfered here for almost 1 and half months, many lessons, many of them I learned from the children. It is foolish that we as an adult said that children doesn't know much. Actually we are the one that really doesn't know much. Truly when Jesus said, "I praised you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned and revealed them to the little children." -matt 11:25-

We as an adult are too complicated most of the time. I understand that the older that we grow, the more responsibilities that we have to carry and the self awareness became more and more. I'm an adult too, so I'm also speaking these to myself. But let's observe and learn from the children. Everything that they do they seems very anticipating, very lively, giving all their best and everything seems very excited to them. Every Sunday I went in and play games with them, no matter how simple is the game is, they are very "into" the game and no matter how hard is the dance action they will try their best to follow to. Only with these two things it taught me a huge amount of lessons.

Am I giving my best in everything that I'm doing now? Am I committed to it? Am I trying before I says it's too hard for me? Did I walk the talk? There are so many things I can learn..

Thank God for the fruitful weekend..

Happy Mooncake Festival

2010-09-23T00:06:00.006+08:00

Today it's Mooncake festival!! Happy Mooncake festival to all of you. Today I went for a dinner to join my new cell group. Kinda not really use to it calling it cell group. Used to called it share group back in FCC. But nevertheless, it's cell group now! The cell group are also very new to me, in terms of environment and age group. I'm too used to leading and joining a share group that are younger than me. But now, oh man, I'm the youngest.... The rest are like, having at least 2 kids and married.. I mean, of course they're married then only have kids.. The youngest one also older than me 1 year.. Haha, this is new to me...

Well, I'm actually kinda low esteem now because of my education level and my English still sucks.. Can't really communicate with them.. Most of them are businessman, bosses and even doctors. Hard to relate, but I'll see it as a challenge for me to learn how to communicate and relate to the people I have no idea what are they talking about. This is fun.. : )

I don't know since when that I started smiling and even giggle sometimes when there's something challenging that I need to get over with. I think I love to be challenge I guess? And with competitive, I guess I can grow faster… I guess?? Hahaha..

Anyway, it’s 12 again.. Need to sleep lu.. I’ll try to update again whenever I could..

Good Night everyone..

**Signing off**

My life here in KK

2010-09-21T23:56:00.003+08:00

The latest of my post was in December 2009. It was nearly a year ago I update my blog. Recently I've been asked to transferred to serve in Kota Kinabalu. One of my friend asked me to update my life here in KK. I'm grateful to him because he cares. Of course I believed that they are a lot of people who cares about me. That is why I decided to resume my blogging for them to know what's happening in my life here. Thanks for the caring.. : )

It's been 3 weeks now serving in KK. So far, everything are still quite "well managed". Still trying my best to cope and relate to the people here and the timing here. The working environment here is definitely very different from my previous church. The organization is bigger than previous and of course the team are also bigger. But thank God so far in my department I can 'clicked' with them and I think the chemistry is there.

Now, after transferred here and my job scope has been spelled out recently; my work responsibilities has been added. Now my main role here is more towards on supporting on the music side (which is something that I finally can do). I've been hoping that one day in the future that my career path is about music. I'm actually very happy that I finally got that. I will be learning and assisting on how to do music arrangements for children, youth and adult services. I'm also responsible to spot and train musicians for them to serve in music team. Definitely I have many things to catch up and learn. Although I'm happy, but there are certain equal amount of stress too. I've never been trained musically in a proper way. What I've been learning is all by myself by observing others how to do it.

Thankfully, what I've learned in my previous church was a preparation for me to serve a bigger body. God puts me in worship team so that I could learn from my very close buddy. I thank him for all the hard time that he gave me. Now I missed those 'gasak moments' and 'screwing moments'. It's because of him, I become who I am today, musically and of course spiritually. Thank God for him. God also allows me to take over on a creative ministry though it's only for a few months. In that I've learned how to organized music classes, prepare teaching materials and organizing events. Whatever I've learned there's a purpose and I know what's the purpose now.

I'll stop here because it's already 12.30.. Here in KK I just couldn't afford to sleep late.. Back in KL, I could stand until about 1 - 2 in the morning. Here in KK? No way... If one day not enough sleep, that's it... Now everyday have to wake up at 7 and Saturday have to wake up at 6 and 5.30 for Sunday... Never in my life after secondary school I wake up so early back in KL. I'll try my very best to update as often as I can about my life over here. Hahaha, I'm more busier here compared to KL..

Till then... Take care my friends in FCC...

*signing off*

Naked I came, naked I will depart

2009-12-30T01:54:00.004+08:00

Can't really believed that it's already end of the year of 2009. Oh boy, time really flies this year. Many incidents had happened during this year alone that makes me grow so much especially what happened about a weeks ago.. That was really a heart broken experience. My latest post was about I found my purpose through the camp and of course the sharing of my member about his laptop was being stolen and was damaged, well, mine, sort of similar story. By God's blessing, I was being blessed with an Ipod Touch for my Birthday/Christmas/Anniversary gift that I've long for it for so long. The joy receiving that gift really makes me stumble. No words could express that joy.

My work became so much more efficient with the help of those technology stuff. But who knows, exactly a week ago, my Ipod was being snatched from my hand while I was using it. I am so moody for the couples of days. The week before Tuesday(22/12) I was leading worship on regular Sunday service and yet one of the song that I was leading was "Blessed be Your name". The bridge goes like this, "You give and take away(x2), but my heart still choose to say, blessed be Your name". Every time when I lead this song, I can't really felt the same why the original songwriter who wrote this song, but after this incident, oh... You bet I can..

It's always easier said than done. But by this incident, I knew that my heart is still saying "blessed be the name of the Lord". And the Lord reminded me this, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." - Job 1:21. Now I better understanding of this verse. Originally I am not suppose to have an Ipod, but because God's goodness and blessing I've got it. But if the Lord wants to take it away from me to teach me some precious lesson, I wouldn't say no. What is more important to me is, I would rather loose anything rather than loosing God. God is my source of everything. By taking it away, I also believe that He will be giving me back again. Just the matter of time.

I have years to come to taste God's goodness, but I'll just have to wait.. :-)

I love you God..

Purpose found!

2009-09-25T02:16:00.002+08:00

On the 25^th of September 2009, I think I found my purpose in life.

This is a journey of me working in a church for almost a year.

I just came back from a camp. They called it the Diocese Young Adult Camp and some called it the Desperate Young Adult Camp. Nevertheless, it is still an inspiring camp after all. Indeed after I joined the camp, I was desperate. Not desperate as in looking for a relationship, which I already have by the way, but I became more and more desperate for God to reveal His wonderful plan to me. What is really my purpose in my life? I’ve been searching and asking for this question within myself for quite some time since after I worked for the past one year in church. I knew that I am going to serve God full time in the church since I received my ever first time calling from God about 4 years ago. My first calling from God was this one word, “Missionary”, so did the 2^nd time. I still remembered it happened when I was in the alpha course training on 2005. And God confirmed me again in 2006 before I went to KK for the Diocese Youth Camp. But this time, God showed me totally different pictures all together. God leads me to two pictures, one is I am singing on stage to many people and another one is, I’m giving my speech on the stage. I dare not to use preaching because I’m not too sure yet. And from there onwards I’m struggled which is the one?? Not until now...

Today as usual I had weekly share group (which function like cell group / Christian fellowship / gathering of believers for those who don’t know what a share group is) and one of my member share his story to us that his laptop was being snatched by a thief. Surprisingly to be honest, I don’t know why my compassion towards the thief somehow is more towards my member. To cut the story real short, they caught the thief but the laptop was broken and the guy was being beaten up like nobody business by strangers and the guy is 49 years old and he’s from Peru. Ended up in police station and the guy is still bleeding without medication provided to him because he’s a “criminal”. I shared this to Jenny, and she told me that she has no idea that "I have such a heavy compassion towards people". At first I was shocked as well when I heard that because I thought everyone will felt the same thing how I felt. She added, “Everything starts first with a heart of compassion”. Indeed I believed what she said was true. Jesus was full of compassions towards his people. I personally think that Jesus will cry or at least weep when He saw His people fighting against one another, quarrelling within a relationship and condemning one another within a friendship. Jesus had compassions those who are sick, those who being abandoned, those who are in need, those who are widow, those who are fatherless, and many more. We always tend to see what is on the surface, but Jesus never sees it that way on us. Like the Peru guy, somehow for most of us we will think that, well, maybe he really deserved it because of what he had done. But to me, I’ve asked myself many questions. If he’s not desperate he will not steal. And why he’s desperate? Maybe because he was in need of cash? Why does he in need of cash? Maybe he’s family is poor and maybe he can’t find a job in his own country. And why he can’t find job in his own country? Maybe he wasn’t well educated. And why he wasn’t well educated? Maybe he did not study when he had his chance to do so. And why did he not study hard? Maybe because of broken family or certain reason that makes him that way. Of course there are thousands of possibilities that caused him to be who he is today.

But imagine this, if he would know God anywhere in between his life, maybe he will not be who he is today. If he just knew that God is his provider, he would not steal. If he knew that God could be someone that can be accountable for, he won’t choose his own path. If he would just knew that God is looking after him, we probably will not live how he has been living now. And that is how I believed I found my purpose. I’ve been playing guitar for almost 5 years now. And each day I can see myself improving slowly in terms of musical knowledge and my techniques. I’m leading worship now in my church and thank God I did not sing too badly. I never knew it until just now, that actually all the pictures that I’ve seen, it’s actually one big picture of my life. Before I start typing this all down, I made a prayer to the Lord. I wanted to be good in what I’m doing now which is to be a better musician and a better songwriter so that I can share gospel through the song that I write. I wanted to go many places to have concert to share what Jesus has done in my life. I wanted to be the person that can bring chances to people’s life. Which is all together now a big picture. I sing on the stage, I do my speech on the stage and I went out to do my concert/sharing in other places. I started to think that I am born as a musician to do all these things. I pray and I hope God will use me and also not only me, also to all the musicians who had the same compassions like Jesus towards people.

God sent Jesus to die for us because of this very reason; He had compassions towards the lost ones. This is the Father's heart. I'm touched at this very moment.

Happy Chinese New Year

2009-01-28T12:30:00.000+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year to all the chinese who celebrate CNY and also non-chinese who celebrate CNY also.. Hehe..

CNY is a season where there's lots of opportunities to earn money. You can do business on selling mandrin oranges, those CNY biscuits, dry meat (yuk kon), packets drinks, and etc etc. Below is a way to gain some profits during cny and that I find it... "Fresh" in a way.. Anyway, enjoy..

Today I went back to my hometown (stop asking, and yes, I do have hometown), so happened there's a group of kids aging was around 7-14 probably, were asking around for angpau. Oh, they are malays btw.. I was kindda like, ( -,-") man, their face is really thick.. They said this to us, "Gong Xi Fatt Chai aunty uncle. Boleh bagi angpau tak? Tak ada angpau bagi satu ringgit pun boleh". And they were like 7 or 8 of them. They go from one house to another house. It seems that they keeep smilling and laughing all the way.. I don't know whether are they having fun doing this, or do they really get angpau from those houses. I was sitting outsite and out of curious I observed them. Just to know whether can they really get angpau by asking like this. Of course on my side, instead of giving angpau, we gave mandrin oranges to them. Hahaha.. Hey, what do you expect? Give them angpau?

Maybe when you don't have enough money next time, maybe, I mean seriously consider this.. Hahaha.. Go visit all your friend's house.. At least you'll get RM2 each house. Haha. If you're lucky, you'll meet their relatives as well.. And.... I'm just kidding.. Never do that.. That's just so rude..

Happy Chinese New Year!!

.........

2008-12-10T01:15:00.004+08:00

Lately I’ve been very down. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually also been tested by the Lord. Wave after wave of disappointments. I guessed it’s another season to be mould by God.

Please walk together with me dear Lord. Knowing that You're here with me meant more than anything else to me.. Hold my hand Lord and walk with me..

My oh my..

2008-12-04T01:51:00.003+08:00

IT'S ALREADY THE LAST MONTH OF THE YEAR!!

Oh boy, we've entered the last month of the year already. This is so fast.. And this reminded me there is one more task that I should complete for this year resolution, which is to complete one more book.. Haha.. Have you done yours? You still have one more month left, in fact, you only have another 27 days left only.. Hahaha..

When I looked back what I've been through this year, well, it's a fruitful year I should proudly said. This year alone, there's a lot of breakthrough.

January

Firstly, FCC moved to a bigger church; from a shop lot to factory lot. When we moved to the new building, we were using the small conference room because the main hall hasn’t been completed yet during January.

February

FCC is forming an official committee member through nomination by the church members. The nomination was announced in this month.

March

The renovation is complete in this month. And on the 9th of March, we have our building consecrated by our bishop. Also during March we had our very first FCC English concert called “Love Actually”. Then continue with FCC Chinese concert called “The Red Compass”. And we had our very first annual general meeting and the new committee was formed.

April

Our Sabah diocese launched our very own album called “Set Apart”. The songs are great.

May

We had our Alpha course running on this month. And this is the month where she have to leave because of work. A sad month for me..

June

Our English Faith Music was started in this month.

August

The worship team went over to KK to join the youth camp. We are leading the group of people in worshipping the Lord and also sort of reunion with my love one.

September

We had our fun night on Music Revolution 2+. This is an event of reclaiming music for the Lord. Many people joined in the competition this time. Many of them wrote many good songs and also they did a good job as well in singing. This is really fun..

October

We had the final round of MR2+. Winner was announced and prizes were given. Cash baby.. Hahaha.. Then the following week, we are blessed to have the “Covenants Players” to serve us in our church by playing a drama for us. Then another following week, we had an opportunity to attend Cat & Dog Theology classes conducted by Rev. George Ong from Singapore.

November

We had our confirmation service. 30 over members was been confirmed this time. Thank God for all the new members that was been confirmed. This is the month also that I joined the staff team in my church.. Hehe..

December

This month is exciting month. On the 24^th of December, we will have Christmas manna. It’s an event and it’s a musical drama event. We’ll be performing live musical drama on stage and also there will be dance during that night. Let me give you a little clue what dance it’s going to be.. Hip hop dance baby.. Hehehe.. Do come and join us and enjoy the musical night. Songs were written by our own member specially for the drama, songs were great!! And of course, Christmas service on the 25^th.. There will be accapella.

Well, so much for this year... Next year it’s going to be even more exciting..

Internet down..

2008-11-27T00:38:00.003+08:00

For the past few days I did not online. Man, now only I realized that actually I can stay survived without internet connection. Hahaha.. I so used to online everyday and every night. It seems like I can survive without internet.. (only for a period of time of course, still need to watch youtube.. haha)..

Preparation for christmas event is tough. For the past few weeks we are rushing for the dance routine that we are going to perform on christmas eve. I'm not going to tell you what dance, you come and find out your own on that day lah, haha, and yup.. I dance.. :P

My shoulder muscle were very tension these few weeks. Can't have a proper rest. Man, this is killing me slowly. But thank God for my colleagues. They bought me "salopas". Haha.. I think I didn't get the spelling right, but like whatever. Haha.

Yesterday our staff team had an early morning exercise. An aerobic I should said. But who knows, we got the wrong dvd.. Haha, the whole 50 minutes is all about working out your abs and 6 paxs.. Oh man, I tell you, it hurts like shit right now. I feel pain even when I sneeze. Will get a new dvd soon. :P

*Next tuesday, cycling in putrajaya.. Muahaha....

I don't know why..

2008-11-20T01:05:00.003+08:00

I don't know why..

1) I easily forget where I put my things.

2) I easily forget what incident happened.

3) I easily forget what I've heard and said.

I just don't know why..

Thank God for being a peacemaker..

2008-11-15T01:39:00.005+08:00

..Now this is what I called share group..

..We argued and we forgive..

...And Rick do looks like Garfield..

Hahaha

2008-11-13T02:13:00.001+08:00

Oh ya, have I not mentioned that I moved out and I finally have my own room right now! Yeah!! Although, I've moved out since month, but nevertheless, YEAH!!

For the past 2 months..

2008-11-12T02:00:00.006+08:00

Ok ok, I'll get it.. I updated already..

Ya, it's by through nagging and scolding that I finally updated my blog. Hahaha.. Been very busy in these few months, that's why I'm not in the mood to blog. Everyday when I reached home what was in my mind was to sleep.. Hahaha.. Anyway, here's a little update about myself..

For the past 2 months:

I started working already lu.. At a moment I pause for a while to think, I no longer can have the student's privillege already. Sigh.. No more RM7 for movie, no more cheap haircut, no more discounted price for food, and many other things. I missed those things.. If victor would have read this, I'm pretty sure that that feller sure be proud that he's a student now and definitely saysomething that will make me give him a one kind look. I wonder why I would thought of it that way, but that's the way it is now.. Hahaha..

And I'm currently working at church now. Everyday I found it happy because you know, it's church.. Where else could I be anymore happier to be able to work at church. I've been spending most of my time in the church during the past 3-4 years to help out in the ministries. And now, I'm actually being paid what I've been doing for the past 3-4 years ago, the only different is there's more to do now lah.. I really don't know what my direction will be if I'm not working in church. But well, most probably I'm working in Bentley Music now I perhaps because that's my dream to pursue my career in music industry. On monday I met a new friend working in Bentley and what a small world. He's from KK and we had alot of things in common; that makes us easily to be click with one another. He's actually living in my dream. He studied business previously and now he's taking professional music classes for and pursued his career in music industry. But either way, I'm glad that I choosed the way that God wanted me, not the way that I wanted for myself.

A little bit stuff from my work. Currently whatever Desmond is doing previously, yup, I'm taking over. Man, it's not easy Des.. I can't planned things ahead and I was forced to make decisions at the very last minute. Oh, by the way, I am in-charge of transportation for the church and as well as "the entertainer" or the "PR" or whatever la.. Now the challenges bar has been raised to a higher level. The challenges faced nowadays it's even hard to tackle. It's not as easy as it was before. More responsibilities added in ministries. All church ministries is all about dealing with people. The more responsibilities was added, the more I need to be able to communicate well and having said that, it seems that so far I'm not doing a good job in this area. It's hard and it's tough. But I'm not giving up.. Another mountain I need to conquer..

There's a saying, "If the mountain is smooth, you can't climb it"..

Communication breakdown

2008-09-25T10:49:00.007+08:00

One of so many reasons why people argued is because of miscommunication. All the while I thought my communication skills was ok, but now, after thinking over and over again, nah, I'm not really good at communicating. Communicating not only involved talking but also involved listening. The matter of fact, I suck. There are many times the original meaning of the message seemingly gotten wrong by other people and vice versa. Because of this, I suffered sometimes of wanting to tell other stuff and sometimes, I failed to do so because I fear. Effective communication is hard but still I have to learn..

The dirty word I learned..

2008-09-25T02:51:00.003+08:00

Today, I had a very rough day.. Things just doesn't seems right.. Maybe it's time to evaluate myself again..

Recently I learned a dirty word especially in this generation which is "responsibilities". Not everyone likes to carry responsibilities around on their shoulder. Some pushed it away, some ignored it and some even don't care want to find out what is the meaning of responsibilities. I've always thought that I understood this word quite well, but in recent few incidents make me doubt about it. I admit that I've not done well in some area of my life but believe me, I've tried.. Maybe due to my own weaknesses, it seems like I can't be consistent. The book of Daniel has been always my hardest book to digest because Daniel has such integrity and consistency that he do really deserved to be one of the greatest man during the time of babylon. He resolved not to defiled himself with the royal food and wine, he did not bow down to the idols, he did not refuse to pray 3 times a day even an order has been given from the king not to bow down to any other gods or man except the king and many more. Even the administrators tried to find faults in him but they found none. The key word I believe what was describing Daniel is "exceptional qualities". Daniel did everything that he was called to do even if the workload is light or heavy. He still delivered a exceptional qualities work.

Exceptional qualities... This is hard, but still have to learn..

Some guy name Vincent something said this:

"If you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the problem. The key to success is responsibilities."

With great power comes from great responsibilities.. Familiar right? The more I pondered it, the more I find it very true..

An E-mail..

2008-09-18T19:17:00.004+08:00

I just finished my dinner and I wanted to check my hotmail account and wanted to clear out all my junk mail and my read mail. So I came across this mail and the content of that e-mail, melted my heart and both my eyes started to sparkling and the next moment I knew, my tears already flowing down from my cheek. How can I ever hold my tears from the Father's love that is so wonderful and compassion to all of us.. I hope you enjoy the video..

Father's Love..

A son asked his father, 'Dad, will you take part in a marathon with me?' The father who, despite having a heart condition, says 'Yes'. They went on to complete the marathon together. Father and son went on to join other marathons, the father always saying 'Yes' to his son's request of going through the race together. One day, the son asked his father, 'Dad, let's join the Ironman together.'

To which, his father said 'Yes' .

For those who don't know, Ironman is the toughest triathlon ever. The race encompasses three endurance events of a 2.4 mile (3.86 kilometer) ocean swim, followed by a 112 mile (180.2 kilometer) bike ride, and ending with a 26.2 mile (42.195 kilometer) marathon along the coast of the BigIsland.

If our earthly father can love us that much, think about our Heavenly Father. In extend that, He gave His one and only Son not only for those who believe in Him, but also to those who do not believe in Him..

I talked..

2008-09-15T15:41:00.005+08:00

Man, I really can't believe that I've talked almost up to 14 hours with peoples in a single day. That would have break my all talking records in my 23 years of my life. I wasn't realized until I counted yesterday during my dinner time. This is what happened to me on my first day of work.

Well the first day.. I was outside from 9 a.m. till 2 a.m.. Morning got wedding and I did some chairs arrangement and help to "sapu" some stuff, hehe, the food I mean.. Hahaha.. Right after my "sapu-ing" stuff, then I was told that the 2 speakers can't work and we found out that the pre-amp... "hang kang".. So I switched the pre-amp and once I lift it up, OH MAN THIS IS SO HEAVY!! Haha.. After carrying and installing with some help of the church members, at the end, we get it done. The whole process, I talked.. a lot..

Then by the time we finished it, it's already afternoon and it's time for our worship practice but I did not join in because I need to fetch some members to church later in the evening. So during the worship service, ah ha, I was quiet. After worship service, we had our one of the big events in FCC; Music Revolution 2+.. The whole programs was good, we had fun and the atmosphere was so good.. So the whole process, I talked.. a lot...

After the whole thing, I'm sending back them back again and we had our supper at SS2 murni. I talked.. again.. On my way back, I was on the phone and I talked again..

Man, that was tired man..

15th September 2008??

2008-09-11T02:29:00.005+08:00

In this very moment, I'm struggling. Tomorrow I need to meet with my pastor about my future time calling working in church. I wonder why at first I'm ok with it, but when the time is approaching near, I struggled..

All the while, I knew that my calling is firm and I knew that my future will certainly end up serving God full time in church. But I'm naturally weak as a human being and I failed to realize that I need to sacrifice so much, for me personally. But nothing will stop me though. Nothing.. No matter how hard it will be for me, for the sake of the call, I will do it.

And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. – 1 Corinthians 10:13

Let this be a reminder to me whenever I’m facing difficulties and having the tendency to give up.

God, I knew that I would have to go through the process of character molding and I knew that it will be hard; it might so hard that I wanted to give up. But God, give me that strength, perseverance, endurance, patient, and most importantly, give me that assurance that You’ll be with me. That’s what I really need.

**The dates? It might be the date I will join into full time ministry..**

KK, here I come..

2008-08-17T04:33:00.003+08:00

Yeah, another 15 more hours I can meet my darling in KK lu.. After 3 months of long distance relationship, finally we can see each other. And what makes me stay up until so late and blog about it, haha, thanks to my ASSignmnet. Recently had been sleeping late because of the assignment. Sigh, so let's not talk more about that boring stuff.

So, here are little updates from me so far..

To be exact, I have another 3 more weeks then I will no longer wearing anymore Apiit's student tag. YEAH!! But at the same time, I no longer can have student's privilege. No more cheap movie ticket, no more cheap haircut, no more special discount for students, and many more. Somehow, my feeling tell me that when someone who is already working will tell me this, "Haha, welcome to our world!" Somehow..

Oh how could I ever forget this.. Hehe, by God's grace finally I’m leading a group of 3 in my share group. What's a share group? It's a group of people where we meet and we share our journey of life to encourage and to be encouraged by one another. We share our deepest fear, our ups and downs, our worries, our excitements, our interests, our passions, and most importantly we share and we get to know each other more, very much like a family; genuine relationship with one another. Our first ever meeting was on Friday. We really had fun, like really fun spending time together in playing games, singing few songs, and sharing our lives. Adele, I’m sorry to mention this again, but that is nothing close to a tractor. Hahahaha… May I invite those who doesn’t have share group, come and join us. We can't wait to share our joy together with you and to become part of us as a family.

We’ll be meeting every Friday at 8.oo p.m. in church. To find out more about our church, here’s the link (http://www.ilovefcc.com/2008.1/index.html)

Well, so far for now. I can’t think of anything else because my brain is shutting down already. Haha, till then. Oh ya, the part 3 will be posted once I’m back from KK.. Hehe.. God bless all of you..

Your grace is sufficient for me.. always.. (part 2)

2008-07-19T03:19:00.003+08:00

Hehe, so I was late for few days, forgive me.. :P. Too busy with assignments.. So here comes the 2nd part of "Your grace is sufficient for me.. always.. part 2"

The second time I joined the youth camp was in 2006, so this time around, it is still the same problem I encountered, which is my financial status and this will always be for a student with no side incomes and foolishly try to go somewhere else for a trip. Every time when I was being called or maybe I should say being challenged by my worship leader to go for that camp, I am seriously worried about money. But whenever I thought of that, there are some people will tell me that, “Hey, don’t worry about money, when you’re doing God’s work, God will provide”. “Man, of course it is easy for you to say, it’s me that don’t have money, not you.” That was what I used to say silently in my heart when people said that to me. But that was me previously of course. So this might come across your mind, do you usually thinks that there is no one understand your feeling what you’re going through in that moment? I used to think that people don’t understand what I’m going through during the period, but the matter of fact is, people really do understand. Nothing is new under the sun, that’s what God says. So, don’t ever think that you are the only one that facing that problem, in fact, all of us do.

So, there are two very important people came into my story of blessing, first is Kevin and the second one is Irene. Kevin offered himself to help those who do not have enough money or financial problem. Some sort of a money lender like that. It’s not “loan shark” ar, because he did not charge with interest. Then I borrowed a sum of money from him to pay off my air ticket. Then Irene came into my story because out of nowhere, she gave me an envelope. And of course you guys know what is in the envelope right? Yup, it’s the money. I really thank God for her, and btw, she’s my spiritual mother because she was the witness when I was baptized. The envelope that she gave me eases me a lot in paying my debts. Because of both of them, I was able to joined to the camp and served in the camp as an electric guitarist. I also will share about my journey becoming an electric guitarist when I have time to do so (this is sort of like a sneak peak. Hahaha).

So after came back from the camp, I am clearing my debts by monthly like what I’ve told him my payment scheme would be. At the last 2nd payment, he said to me that “No need to pay for the last 2 installment, treat it as a blessing.” Wao, blessing after blessing.

It really proves me that our God is not a joking God, in Hakka they called it “mou gau xiao oh!” When He says that He’ll provide, man, you’ve gotta be prepare for it man. Don’t play play with our God. So for those who are afraid or fear of something that stopping you in achieving something great for our God, from now on you don’t have to be. Our powerful God that is in control of everything is living in us, yes, in you. You can do almost countless of things when Christ is in you. Impossible is a word that doesn’t exist in God’s dictionary, it’s only found in human’s dictionary.

So this is the 2nd part of the stories. Recently another great testimony happened to me. So that would be in part 3. Till then.. Peace..

This was the team that went to the Camp in KK. Haha, Desmond, you're still thin that time. Hahaha..

Your grace is sufficient for me.. always.. (part 1)

2008-07-15T02:17:00.005+08:00

For the past three days, I’ve experienced the wonderful blessing from God. Allow me to share my joy with you. For the past few months ago, I was still struggling to decide whether wanted to go to youth camp at KK(Kota Kinabalu). Btw, that youth camp I mentioned, it was a camp that organized by Sabah Diocese every year. The purpose is to gather all the teenagers from age 13-20++ (haha, I used to fall under 20 category, anyway..) to worship God together and to build relationship between the Anglican’s churches in Sabah.

Back to where I am, I have been joining this camp about 3 times including this time. And every time I joined this camp, I have a struggle which is my financial status. Well, people said that Air Asia is the cheapest airline, well, until a certain point I do agreed with that. But as a student, for me, I still find difficulties in finding my own money to buy the air ticket. But each and every time God knew my circumstances. He’s there to always provide me. The first time I went to that camp was in year 2005. The blessing of God to me was, He provided me a cheaper air ticket. The story goes like this, a team from FCC (which is my church Faith Christian Center) were joining the camp and all of them were buying the tickets earlier to make sure the flight was available on that day. So the price that time was around 180++ if I'm not mistaken. A few people asked me to buy during the same time. But I was a student, how can I afford that. So I decided to trust in God and of course I did prayed for a cheaper price. And well, God was really good to me, in about a month later, God pulled the price down to 80++.. I saved about, well, you do the calculation lar.. Haha.. And I forget to mentioned that, it was about a week ago before we left.

God really understand my needs at that moment, I was left nothing to say but just to praise Him and to ponder more of Him. That was about 3 years ago.. I'll continue my "Your grace is sufficient for me.. always.. (part 2)" some other day because I'm feeling really sleepy and hungry.. Sigh, I hate I'm hungry when it's time to sleep..

This was me taken in some mountain in Tawau la, forgot the name already.. Oh boy, I'm still skinny that time... Haha.. Till then.. Peace

The meaning of failure

2008-07-11T00:56:00.005+08:00

For some people, “failure” or “failed” or whatever word that is close to that meaning, is a word that they will try their best not to learn the meaning from any kind dictionary or even if we can, we don’t want to know this word even exist. The word failure really seems hard to digest isn’t it? But the matter of fact is, whether you like it or not, failure is a part of life. Let me explain why. When we were about a year or 2, we start to learn how to walk, and part of the learning progress, we fell. And when we were about 2 to 3 years old, we start to learn how to run, and part of the learning progress, we fell. When we were in our primary school, well, this doesn’t apply to all, we failed our tests and exams. When we in our secondary school, it doesn’t apply to all as well, we failed our tests and exams, but this time, we add a little more stuff, some of them might have failed in their relationship as well. When we are in our college life, as usual, we might have failed our tests, projects, exams, relationship and etc. When we graduated, we might fail looking for jobs for like half a year or maybe more. Failure is just with us in every stages of our life. But of course, there are people who had never failed before in their life, well; I do thank God that He had really blessed them. But most of us, we do encountered many failures in our lives.

Imagine what if we stop learning walking when we fell or we stop dating when we failed our first relationship or we stop studying when we first failed our paper? Or imagine what if Alexander Graham Bell gave up on his research after failing so many times just to make the telephone works, or what if Wright’s brother gave up after the first attempts to flight were not successful, or what if even Christ gave up after being accused he’s a blasphemer and all He did on earth is for us, to prepare a path of salvation of mankind. And if He choose not to die on the cross during His suffering at Gethsemane knowing that He is going to die soon? The matter of fact is all of them they did not gave up on their failures. That is why we have our telephone, airplanes and even salvation. Failure is a reason for all of us to do better next time, is an opportunity to become a better person. Treat failure as your close friend, he will make you a better person.

Failure was never meant to crush you, but to make you even stronger, tougher, steadier, mature, wiser, and the list goes on. So far for now.. Peace..

Another week..

2008-07-06T00:39:00.004+08:00

Ah ha, I've made it.. Haha.. This week I was assigned again to fetch people back to damansara. Last week, I dare not to fetch them back because I was not sure about the road. But today, haha, I've not fail myself. All of them are safe back to their houses. Thank God.. Haha.

Regarding about the previous post, few days ago some thoughts came across my mind when I'm listening to David Cook's songs. I was wondering, how good it is if I know him personally as a close friend. Or maybe Jessica Alba since I'm watching Honey right now on TV3. Or maybe Tom Cruise since suddenly "The Last Samurai" popped out of my mind. That would really made me really different isn't it? I think I would have more privillage than normal people. I get to know their personally, what places that they have been before, what funny things had happened to them before or what interesting things happened to them. It will also make me feel proud because I have a famous celebrities as my friend.

As I think a little bit more further, I think I would have more privillage if I'm a son of a King or maybe a President or something. I can do everything, almost everything I can. I can eat whatever food I want to eat, I can buy whatever clothes I want, I can buy many guitars as I want and the lists goes on and on and on..

If you're proud because you have celebrities as your friend, or maybe you're proud because you're son of someone, I believe and you should be even proud if you are a friend of God. Hey, is God wor. Have you ever thought of God can be your bestfriend?? God extend His invitation to us to be His friend. I believe that it is the highest privillage that we can have. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. Can you find a friend like that? Well, I found one.. Jesus.. He died on the cross to wiped off our sins once and for all that we may find hope again. Treasure God more would you? :)

Things to think..

2008-07-01T19:57:00.006+08:00

I was quite bored the whole day. Just a random question wanted to post out to you guys. Do you like to spend time in thinking something or certain issues? What stuff that you guys usually will think?

A letter from the Father..

2008-06-29T02:57:00.004+08:00

My friend sent me a link and I wanted to share how caring our Father in heaven is..

Father's Love Letter
My Child ~You may not know me, but I know everything about you ~ Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up ~ Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways ~ Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered ~ Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image ~ Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being ~ Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring ~ Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived ~ Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation ~ Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book ~ Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live ~ Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made ~ Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb ~ Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born ~ Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me ~ John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love ~ 1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you ~ 1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child and I am your father ~ 1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could ~ Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father ~ Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand ~ James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs ~ Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope ~ Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love ~ Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore ~ Psalm 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing ~ Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you ~ Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession ~ Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul ~ Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things ~ Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me ~ Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart ~ Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires ~ Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine ~ Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager ~ 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles ~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you ~ Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart ~ Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes ~ Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth ~ Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus ~ John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed ~ John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being ~ Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you ~ Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you ~ 1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love ~ Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me ~ 1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you from my love again ~ Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen ~ Luke 15:7

I have always been Father, and will always be Father ~ Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is ~ Will you be my child? ~ John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you ~ Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad, Almighty God

Can I know the way to...

2008-06-29T01:30:00.004+08:00

What a day.. Today is quite special to me cause I've experienced new things today. Firstly, today is special because it was a "Bring a friend weekend". The purpose is to bring new friends to listen to some of the live testimonies shared by our church members. Indeed it was a very good reminder how God is working in each every individuals lives. Somehow, the excitement continues...

I get to know 8 new friends today.. They are:

1. Chay (This guy really looks like Chan Ho (Moses).. Not kidding..

2. Grace

3. Sarah

4. Yvonne (I'm not sure whether this is the correct spelling or not)

5. Amos

6. James

7. Oh no, I forgot 2 names... hahaha.. Sorry :P

8. Jason (this guy I already knew previously)

I need to send them back to their home, the great news is, except for KDU, I have no idea at all where are the rest are staying.. Here are some of the place where they live, KBU, Pusat Bandar Damansara, and also Paramount (if I'm not mistaken). So I have totally no idea how to send them back, so I decided to bring them to have their dinner first meanwhile, try to get some help from other people. Well, at the end, I needed Desmond's help.. I tried not to involve him because we had a deal earlier on.. Either I will drive to damansara or kajang. So I chose damansara because kajang seems even not familiar to me.. Gosh, who knows..

So at the end, Desmond have to travel twice, poor guy.. Sorry Des, I really don't mean it..

So I think I have memorized the all their places, next time, I believe I can send them back already.. haha..

Here is the directions, just in case though...

From Western Digital turns right, then go straight till pass 2 traffic lights then turns right, then meet another traffic light again turns left, then turn right again go through housing areas, then turn right again, then turn left and turn left again.. Taa daa, I've just reached Paramount..

Then from there turn right and then turn left, then turn right, taa daa, I'm save.. I finally know where I am.. I'm in SS2. So KDU was not a problem.. And after KDU is KBU.. Well, it's not that hard for KBU as well.. I can memorized that so does the PBD..

Haha, end of story... hahaha..

Change Look..

2008-06-28T03:00:00.003+08:00

Hehe, a new fresh look on my blog.. Jenny, I also changed lio leh.. Haha.. Oppss, then I ma let you know what time I sleep lio..

The Doctor and the Frog

2008-06-27T23:39:00.003+08:00

So recently I was looking into jokes due to overstress for my final year project and I found this. Enjoy..

The Doctor and the Frog

So there is a doctor wanted to do a study on frogs. So he caught one frog and he decided to do experiment on how high can a frog really jumps. So somehow, this is a joke, assume that the frog understand english ok? So he tell the frog "Frogie, jump!". (So the name just prompted suddenly..)

And so the frog jumps. So in his reports he wrote, "Ok, 4 feet frog = jumps 4 feet high". Then he thinks for a while, let's cut off one of his leg and see how high forgie can jump and so he did. So again he tell the frog to jump and the frog did.

So he wrote in the report, "3 feet frog = jumps 3 feet high". So he continue again with his research, cut another leg. Again he asked the frog to jump, and the frog jumps. In his report, he wrote "2 feet frog = jumps 2 feet high". So he decides to cut another one leg and asked the frog to jump agian and the frog jumps again. So in the report, "1 feet frog = jumps 1 foot high".

So this doctor decided to cut off the remaining leg of frogie.. He tell forgie, "Jump.. Jump.. JUMP FROGIE!!!". So in his report he wrote this.. "Frog with no feet = goes deaf"

Well, I'm not sure will everyone gets it or not, cuz I've explained this joke before, and you know that when jokes have to be explained, it's not fun at all.. hahaha..

A little sense of Humor

2008-06-27T02:04:00.002+08:00

So, I came across this joke, feel like wanted to share it out. Though there's a bit offensive, but nevertheless, enjoy.. :)

Who Is God?

A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"
"Both son. God is both."
After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"
"Both son, both."
"Daddy, does God love children?"
"Yes son, he loves all children."
The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"

So the lesson here is, how do you tell other's about God is important.. Don't simply answer for the sake of shutting up your children's mouth.. hahaha..

Updates*

2008-06-25T00:48:00.004+08:00

Long time I have not update my blog since don’t know when. Few of my friends told me that “hey, go and update your blog la!”. Well, not that I don’t want to update my blog, just that somehow I’m out of topics and ideas of what to blog. Somehow, sometimes I do feel the urged to blog and what is stopping me to do that is sometimes I think if it is too personal, I don’t feel comfortable sharing it out. Well, anyway, here is some update about my current status.

For studies, this is already my final year and my final semester of my studies life. I will be graduating in September if nothing goes wrong and hopefully nothing will goes wrong. Sigh, the more I have to stay in college the more lazy I’ll get. This is already my final year and my final year project is killing me, yet I still do nothing about it. Somehow, I just don’t feel like doing it. Ya, I know I still have to do it anyway, but the constant struggle in me is really killing me. All the while, I’ve been very grateful to God because He’s grace is really sufficient for me. Throughout my whole college life till now, I’ve never failed before in any of my subjects. Thank God for that.. But for this time, I’m not so sure anymore, It’s not that God don’t want to bless me, it’s my own laziness will cause me to failed. I seriously need to deal with this for the last time in my college life.

For relationship, well long distance relationship is really not fun to play at all. Btw, fyi, my the other half is in KK now for those who still doesn’t know. It’s has been more than a month we are in long distance relationship. It’s really tough for me cuz this is the first time I’m having such a relationship. I’m a person who doesn’t like to talk on the phone and for now that’s the only tool we have to communicate with one another. I felt constant struggle also but not always the case of course. Sometimes I feel very excited to talked to her on the phone, but sometimes, I just feel don’t. But communication is essential for both of us, so no matter how I don’t wish to talk on the phone also I have to.

For my band, haiy, somehow, it doesn’t seems to work out that well after all. Originally there was 4 of us, that’s why we named ourselves as UNITED4. Huh, I almost forget what we named ourselves. But now the current band members left me and my drummer. I still remember that why we named this is because we wanted to be united among our members and also united for something else like for Christ. But somehow, the name doesn’t really suit the band cuz we aren’t united. I am still preparing myself for a day that I will have my own band and also my own album. But this seems to be still quite far away from me. Sometimes, I tend to give up, but I don’t want to just give up like that. I wanted to achieved something that I loved the most. There is only one life, and I wanted to live it well and I don’t want to leave any regrets when I look back the past in future telling myself that “I should have done this long time ago”. I pray that God will guide.

For my spiritual growth, this is even worst. Maybe I have been too busy being a Martha that I totally forget about being Mary. I worked and worked and worked, and I totally despite the Lord. Is ironic is it? Doing God’s work without involving God in it? Recently I don’t feel God like how I used to feel long time ago, and I knew that I have a problem, it’s me. I feel like I’m walking not towards God, but away from God. I need to get back to God agian. I believe that this is the very reason why my life is in a mess right now. My relationship with God is not right. When the relationship with God is not right, everything else seems to be not right. I didn’t not recieved His guidance, His steps and His planning for me. I did not plan any of my plans also. I just turn my auto-pilot function on.

These constant struggle I feel like is another whole new level to me. Like what my pastor had preached the other day, the israelites(me) is focusing on the struggles that they are facing, but God focus on the opportunities to growth through suffering. God has been always good, always.. It is through suffering that we know that are many things we can’t handle it ourselves, especially our lives. I can’t even assure what will happened on the next second. The only I think I can really do now is to wait upon the Lord, and my strength will rises, to know His power in quietness and trust. Then when the ocean rise and thunder storms in life, I will soar with Him like an eagle above the storms.

The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth.

He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding.

He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.

Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall.

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.

They will soar high on wings like eagles.

They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

(Isaiah 40:28-31)

Cry on my shoulder

2008-04-04T05:20:00.006+08:00

Walao, another sleepless night.. Damn you Assignment.. and damn you Danny because you're lazy bump.. But if I didn't not stay up until so late, I will never had a chance to found this song. This song, some how comforts me a lot, like really a LOT.. This is also for you Jenny.. :)

Cry on my shoulder:

If the hero never comes to you

If you need someone, you’re feeling blue

If you wait for love, and you’re alone

If you call your friends, nobody’s home

You can run away, but you can’t hide

Through a storm and

through a lonely night

Then I’ll show you, there’s a destiny

The best things in life, they are free

Chorus:

But if you wanna cry

Cry on my shoulder

If you need someone

Who cares for you

If you’re feeling sad

Your hearts gets colder

Yes i show you what real love can do

If your sky is grey Oh let me know

There’s a place in heaven, where we’ll go

If heaven is a million years away

Oh just call me and I’ll make your day

When the nights are

getting cold and blue

When the days are getting hard for you

I will always stay by your side

I promise you, I’ll never hide

*Chorus

This song is just so wonderful.. I hope the lyrics will encourage you..

If you are curious how does it sounds like with melodies..
http://youtube.com/watch?v=DSrp8ZUl5Pc&feature=related

or... watch it down here... hehe.. enjoy the song..

The greatest Gifts..

2008-04-01T00:16:00.005+08:00

It’s been very long I did not update my blog. Last weekend till now, I had many bad experiences. My secondary school friends got married and not only I have to give “gifts” to him, but at the same time also, I got a gift from uncle police. It’s a long story.. But nevertheless, it’s my fault too. Then at the same night, my phone suddenly got hang, then after I turn off the phone and on it back again, suddenly, my phone only appears white screen. I had no idea how did it happened, but it just did. Well, I can’t view any of my messages, I can only received calls. Then today is my assignment due date and yet I screwed up my assignment. I spent the whole day to complete my assignment before 7. I finished up at 6.15pm, but who knows, I did not save the document. I don’t know why either, I remember pressing CTRL+S for many times already, but when I wanted to open the document to re-check again, it appears nothing, what I’ve done previously all did not get saved. But I thank God I managed to finish up before time although the points are not complete.

There are many reasons I can thank God for, but among so many things that He gave me, I believe the most precious gifts from Him was, Jesus Himself. Salvation that He gave it me for free cost His lives to be hangs on the cross. There is none gifts that are greater than this. The second most precious gift that He gave me was my girl friend.

This is my girlfriend, lovely isn’t she?

I always like to tease her, we have been communicating like that since we’re friends. Actually one of my hobbies is to tease. To be able to share my life with her is a blessing to me, we’ve gone through much although we’ve just been together only for a year. But we know each other almost 3 years before we get along together. This is what I dream of for my relationship, to start with being a friend first. We got along closer and closer and eventually both of us also fall for each other without both of our realization.

During in the relationship, we been through tough time together, “It get even tough when she’s emotional!” Haha, but even through that, we solved the problems together. I used to run away from her when both of us are in the bad mood because of arguments, but she taught me not too, so I listened to her and I changed slowly, and now I’m not running anymore from her. That is what I’ve learned and I will use it always in many areas of my life. I wish that I could always be around her when she’s sad, and she always seems to be strong in front of other people, but she’s actually quite not. She had too, because she doesn’t want people that are close to her feel bad. She cared about other people’s feeling too much that she would rather swallow it herself, even though when she was being misunderstood. I also wish that I could be by her side to cheer her up and makes her happy always. But unfortunately, what I fear the most it’s finally happening to me. She had to leave because of work. She’s going to enter full time to be a church worker soon and she’s going very soon. She will be sent to KK to do her training there. I knew this day would come, I’ve tried my best to encourage her but yet my tears drops when I saw her tears falling from her eyes. I knew that what is the purpose that God sent her away, I understand it very well. But though I understand, my heart feels so pain but I don’t wish to share this burden to anyone. She has been with me all the while, whatever we do we do it together, but when I start thinking that she’s not with me, it really breaks my heart. There’s nothing I can do, what I can is to write on the blog, cause I knew people won’t visit my blog cause’ I’ve stop writing for a long period. I really thank God for giving me such a wonderful partner. There is nothing more I could ever want than both You and her..

God, I knew the reason You are sending her away, keep me strong Father. No matter what, I still trust, no matter what..

What makes me different?

2007-11-30T01:59:00.000+08:00

Recently this question keep prompting in my mind and makes me can't stop thinking of it. What makes me different? Seriously I don't know. Ya, Christians were called to be different, I am christian but am I really different from others? Jesus said that we are called to be the salt of the world and also light of the world. But do I really am? Or any chances close to that?

Today I went shopping alone, somehow I realized that I am nothing different from anyone else on the street, even in my class. I'm not as hardworking as those who really dumped in everything just to get A, I'm not as smart as those top student, and as conclusion, I'm not outstanding student/people. So how am I going to show to other people that who really Jesus is.

My new semester just started and this is my final year, I prayed that I can do something that make God feel proud of me.

Our band had actually existed for 9 months, and recently God finally show His way to our band. Finally we've sort out many things that we previously not. Thank God and by God's grace we are able to went through that stage. Now another challenge is waiting ahead. The challenge of relationship between all the band members. The band have gone through alot and hoping that one day, this band will make a great impact to the local churches even reached out the society. Hopefully this will go somewhere, at least somewhere..

Weird, very weird..

2007-10-12T07:08:00.001+08:00

I just had a very weirdest dream ever. Somehow it’s not really a weird dream, but I don’t what other words can be replaced other than weird. So it’s 6 in the morning and I just slept for only 3 hours and yet I’m very awake, so I decided to blog the dream I had.

Actually before the dream started, I had my devotion and do a little bit of bible study and I usually will pray a prayer that the Lord will speaks to me whenever I read His words. But just now, I prayed a prayer that I never pray before, I prayed that may His word of revelation will reveal to me. I always wonder how did God taught His disciples especially in the days of Abraham till the day that Jesus was born. Well, I found out that there’s few; (1) the Lord spoke to them directly, or (2) through dreams. So, here is my dream.

The dream is about my family. I had 2 brothers in reality, but this dream is about my youngest brother. So I believe its Sunday in the dream, cuz I bring my whole family out for shopping. So before we started shopping we decided to put down my brother to one of the care centers that the shopping complex provided. Just before we put them down, he accidentally knock his head on the table and bleed. The reason is because there’s a nail on the table. Everyone was nervous, but no one take any actions, so I carried my brother and run like a mad person to find clinics in shopping complex, but there’s none. Oh ya, to make the dream more dramatically, in reality I love my youngest brother a lot. So you can imagine how desperate I was in my dream to save him.

The story continued, so I managed to found a clinic at last, but it was an old clinic and they told me that they needed certain equipments if need to do an operation. So I ran all over the place and search what the doctor needs. After I bought all the stuff, I was too late, my brother died because out of breath. I cried and sober for the whole dream after that incident. Guilt are added more and more to myself because I thought it was me that cause him for his death because I was too late to pass the things that the doctor needed. I cried and I cried and I cried non stop. But later I heard news that my brother was actually being murdered. The ventilation equipment was being pulled out that cause my brother’s death. I saw a knife and I ran all over the place with that knife, even if my family and my friends stopped me, I ran and hide from them and I search for the murderer personally.

At the end before I managed to found that murderer, one of my best friends met me and talk to me. She told me that I needed freedom; freedom from guilt and anger. She offers me a prayer and right after the prayer I begin to feel better and I went back to the clinic and see my brother for the last time. When I reached there, I forgot how I knew that somehow that was the murderer. Suddenly my anger came back and I wanted to capture her, but somehow she’s very strong even she’s has super powers, very much like she was demon possessed.

I ran away from her and at a point I have to jump off from a building. Ok, I know it’s a bit long and a little to dramatic, but this is a dream after all right? I didn’t managed to die jumping from 10th floor. When I jumped, somehow, I prayed and it works. So she was so mad and she jump down too and start using her super powers. I was afraid and I have is the word of God and faith only. Both of these eventually help me to overcome the fears and I even using the name of Jesus to do exorcist. Finally everything was over, and I asked her why she did that. She said she saw my brother was too suffering from pain, so she just took off the ventilation equipment. Suddenly, out of no where, miracle happened, my brother came alive and I was overwhelmed by God’s miracles. And that’s the end of the story. I woke up and my tears are falling off from my eyes.

Why at the first place I mentioned about my dream? There are few lessons for me from God. Firstly, God reminded me how much I need to care for my family and pray for them. Recently many things happened; I seldom spend time with my family. I need to do a little bit of catch up here. Secondly, God showed me in that dream how powerful is guilt and anger is. Guilt and anger is the strongest weapons for satan to use to attack mankind. Thirdly, being confidence of the power of God. Whenever you believe and Jesus said whenever you called unto His name, He surely will come down from heaven and give you a hand to help you.

One of the reason I believe I had this dream is because recently in Malaysia there’s too many of murder cases of little children. I know that’s not new, but every cases is getting more and more violent and serious. Many parents were very afraid about this. They are living in fear everyday that they afraid that something might happened to their beloved children. I really prayed that God will be with all of us, especially with those who are weak. May the Lord bless us all.

Updated already... ~ Yeah~

2007-09-29T01:21:00.000+08:00

Finally, NO more EXAMS, NO more ASSIGNMENTS, and NO more revision, but only for last for only 2 months. But anyway, I'm glad that I've passed all these. I always thank God for His faithfulness. He's been always there for me whenever, I mean really whenever I needed Him. It's been long time didn't update my blog. Wait, let me check back when is the last blog I updated.. ~haha~ It's like 9 months ago.. --" In this 9 months, many things had happened to me.. Getting myself entered into a new relationship, I've finished 2 semester :P , many lessons I've learned through circumstances, and if I continue I think I won't be able to finish typing.. haha.. Anyway, two of the most happening events that I had for these past 9 months were, firstly of course entering into a new relationship. I am very thankful and very blessed to have such a supporting, loving, and caring soul mate (although sometimes kena nag abit :P). Without her supporting all the while, especially in the past few months, I believe that I would have gone through it much harder. Thank you dear..

Secondly, it’s almost equally significant; a band was formed. I was actually very excited about this. Even though we are not professional musicians and also not talented people, but we are very passionate about music. Actually, there are few people that changed my life entirely, firstly, of course it would be God, secondly it’s my cell leaders, thirdly my friends that cared for me, and lastly, by having a dream also made me changed my life. I think without them, I wouldn’t be who am I right now, for those who knows me previously and currently, they might noticed it.

Maybe one fine day I think should talk more about the band and my dream and also some problems I’m facing.. I’m very tired.. ~yawning~ now.. Good night..

Part time job - part two

2007-01-18T14:00:00.000+08:00

So, it's part two because this morning I continue my work again and I thought yesterday was the first day and suppose to be my last day. But, who knows, shit happens again to me; it has been extended until this afternoon. So, early in the morning, have to start drilling again. This time I'm not so lucky. I injured my left hand due to that drill is too heavy. Sigh, I have no idea how am I going to serve this saturday. But somehow, it's done. I'm done for the day.

So, I was packing up my stuff and on my way to my car. And guess what, my car is almost cover all up with red ants on top of my car. I was wondering, why there's so many cars packed along side with me, but why only my car is full of red ants? Only one answer explain it all, Shit Happens.. Hmm, I start pondering whether or not it's a curse to me since after I put that symbol 'Shit Happens' in my car. Anyway, let's forget about it. So, my hand gets 'dirty' today. I killed lots of lots of ants.

Hopefully there's nothing to do with that symbol.. Hahaha.. It was gift from my beloved friend all the way from australia. If she read this, I think she's gonna be mad.. Sorry ya.. ;P i don't mean it..

Part time job?

2007-01-17T20:43:00.000+08:00

Hmm, it's been a long while I didn't work outside. So yesterday one of my mom's friends gave me a call while I was still sleeping on my lovely bed. So he asked me whether I wanted to work for one day as a so called IT technician 'lar'. So since I've got nothing to do, I accepted that offer. On the other side I also can earn a little income for myself. So, today is the day. I woke up and wait for his call. Why? Because he didn't tell me anything about the work. Where to meet? Where to work? What time to meet? And what do to? He didn't tell me anything regard of this. So I waited for his call, and he called me again while I was still sleeping on my lovely bed again. He told me where to meet and what time then he hang up his phone. He didn't told me what car is he driving also.

So I just went there and hopefully I can recognize his face. So coincident when I arrived that place, an estima started to reverse and went pass by me. I can't really see clearly his face at that moment, I just knew that he's fat, and my mom's friend is fat. So I just followed that car. But, inside my heart telling me, "this isn't right man!" So I called my boss and asked him whether he's there already or not? Who knows he said haven't yet and the best part is, I waited him at the wrong place some more. Shit happens sometimes...

So, this shit haven't finished happening yet. As I mentioned above, I was called to be as an IT technician. So the task for the day is to set up those network cables for an office. And due to I've no experience on this, and guess what did I do for the day? Grill the wall man!! What the heck! My hand shakes non stop. Oh boy, I don't know how am I going to play guitar this week. My hand is as weak as a toufu now. Habislah. God, have mercy on me!

ps: haha, so it's drill not grill ya.. Too hungry at that moment, so thinking of grill something to eat.. hahaha..

satan's pride and my pride

2007-01-17T01:44:00.000+08:00

I think now only I really understood why satan desired to be God so much. When there's something that you never had before and suddenly you have it, you will tend to use it if it's not for the correct purpose then you'll used it for the wrong purpose. When you have everything that you wanted and when everything seems to be pretty good, you'll tend to become forgetful that who is the one that actually provided all these things to you. Satan has this problem. He (an angel actually doesn't have any gender, so I refer him as a male) was an archangel that is in charge of worship in heaven. He's good looking, talented musician, gifted in music and leading worship, and he's basically good at everything. And all this, it's God who created him and given him so many talents, and yet, he rebelled against God because he thinks that "Since I had everything that I wanted and I have so many talents and power, why not I become God myself? So this is the problem about him. And this is the main reason why satan fall. When satan fall unto the earth, he uses the same trick again to make a trap for Adam and Eve. I believe everyone is familiar with this story. The serpent(satan) tempted Eve to eat that forbidden fruit by using the same old trick again which is pride. He said, "when you eat of it (the fruit) your eyes will be opened and YOU WILL BE LIKE GOD, knowing good and evil."

It's pretty much scary when you realized that you're getting there soon. Pride happens when the glory that suppose belong to God, instead of giving all the glory back to God, you keep it for yourself. This is what I personally found out just recently. How do I realized that? Because I'm the one that involved in it.

As for those people who knew me, they knew that I'm a new electric guitar player in my church. I started to picked up and learn electric guitar about half a year ago. I've improved a lot and most of the people said that I'm a fast learner and I did a pretty good job too. Well, I really thank God for what He had blessed me a talent of playing guitar, but there's where my pride comes in. Because of that, I came to realized that I started to keep little by little glory for myself instead of giving it all to God. Well, I admit that I'm still weak in this area and when I came to realized this, I felt down on my knees and pray for forgiveness. The main reason why satan fall is because of pride. I don't wish my pride causes me to stumble and fall.

At the beginning, I don't have anything and suddenly I had these skills. Firstly, I used it for correct purpose, I used it to serve God back in that area. I appreciate this gifts and I practice even harder to make myself improve more. But the problem with me is, after quite some time, my skills really improved, but I forget actually it was God that given me this talent. And I thought it's was 'I' that help myself to improve.

Recently God reminded me again what is the very first motive why I served Him? Why do I came every week to practice on Tuesday? Why do I attended service every Saturday/Sunday? It doesn't seems related to my problem, but then God reminded me about 'LOVE'. It's out of love that initiates me to served Him at very beginning. Paul said "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing." - 2 Corinthians 13:1-3

God reminded me again that serving Him doesn't have to be very knowledgable, doesn't have to be very experiences in certain areas, very well equipped in certain skills, all ever God wanted is a heart that willingly follow Him faithfully and a heart that love Him more than anything else. I'll learn this lesson and hopefully one day when I accomplish those lessons, I'll heard God saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said to Him humbly, "Here I am Lord. Send me!"

- Lonely Christmas -

2006-12-19T02:46:00.000+08:00

It's been a while that I didn't update my blog. I was just being reminded of my friend that I didn't blog for quite some time already. Well, just to update update a bit lar.. Hmm, it's been 29 days that I seperate with my ex-gf.. Gosh, it's only 29 days and I felt like i was already for few months.. It's so tough and difficult to letting go of it; but still have to let go.. Just last week, my church has just celebrated an early christmas celebration. We had a great party at that evening. Everyone was having fun playing games and singing some caroling songs.. I was having fun too on the stage playing guitar.. But right after the end of the party, I wasn't feeling what suppose to feel after party.. Instead of being excited, I feel lonely.. That night, I don't have mood to talk nor smile. I withdraw myself from them.. I choosed to sit alone and pray..

Lots of lots of flash back keep appearing in my mind when I was still with her. I still remember how we started, what are the movies that we first watched together, where do we usually hang out, what do we usually do.. all these, keep appearing so fresh in my mind. I still can't really accept the fact that we had already broke up.. Sometimes, unconciously i still calling her dear dear in my message and mail.. That was what I usually call her.. I still can't really get used to it yet.. Sigh, somehow, needed more time..

Really hoping that this period of mourning will end fast, but at the same time, if this mourning season has passed, i might possibly recovered and I wouldn't need her as I do now.. Then what should I do? I don't wish to let her go, but at the same time, i need to move on also.. it's so complicated..

- The streets of memories -

2006-11-22T17:23:00.000+08:00

Well, today is the first day she leave my side. This morning I woke up, I felt emptiness. Someone that I long to see every morning is not here anymore, not by my side anymore. It's a emotional morning for me. Then follow up by accompanying my friend to the shopping complex after my class. That shopping complex is where we always visit. We watched movies there, we shop there, we eat there, we date there, we argue there, and we settle the arguement there. I still remember that the first movie both of us watch together is "The Lake House" and the last movie was "Happy Feet". Today I accompany my friend to buy something that he wanted to buy. Along the way, some sort of flash back came into my mind when I passed by every shop that we went together before.

The shop that we buy clothes together, the shop that we eat together, the cinema that we watch together, all came into my mind. Indeed, my tears almost drop. It's difficult. Is really difficult. I just wish that I can meet her again. I really miss her a lot.

- Another chapter of life has past -

2006-11-21T19:25:00.000+08:00

Today it's a very special day. My love one had finally went back to where she's belong; indonesia. She took a cab this morning to the airport, but before that, few of her friends were there at her place to have some sort of sending her off to airport before she leave us. Each and everyone of her friends cried, that of course included me. I believe that none of us wanted to cry and carry a burden heart, but it was so difficult to hold the tears from falling down from your eyes. It is so difficult to say goodbye to the one that you have always loved and now; she's not around anymore. I was looking at her back getting further and further from my sight. I just wish that I could just stop her going up to the cab and of course, stopping her getting up the plane.

It's exactly 3 months and 21 days. Is just like a dream in this 3 months plus, a very sweet dream. But unfortunately, I was being awaken from this dream and I would never able to dream the same dream again anymore. I long for that dream to come again, but it will never happen. Well this is reality and welcome to the "real world" guys.

When she's gone, suddenly there's a flash back on every scene when both of us together. Sweet ones, and not so sweet ones. Everything happened in this 3 months. Some people said that 3 months is the sweetest moment in starting a relationship. Some people called it honeymoon before marriage. But it seems doesn't apply to me.

Hmm, another chapter had past, but there's lot more to go. I would just have to stand up again like what I've used to do when I was a kid when I fall down. Failure will only makes you become stronger if you've learned your lesson. Failure never meant to pull you down, it only happened if you give up. I think I'm not giving up myself. I'll stand up again.

--= Struggling =--

2006-11-17T01:29:00.000+08:00

Do you have? I mean struggling?

Recently, I really strrugle a lot. Struggle to wake up early in the morning and causes me sometimes missed classes; struggle to start assignments on time and procastinate so much and causes me to suffer at the end; struggle to do good and show mercy and causes someone to fall; struggle over my sins and of course, causes me to fall as well; struggle to read bible; struggle to be myself and be honest; struggle to sleep early because I'm having insomnia and causes me to wake up late every morning; struggle not to argue with gf; struggle to keep my budget; and more. But the most of all, struggling to let GO...

She will be leaving next tuesday, but yet, we still having conflict and arguements. I really don't wish the ending is like that. After break up, we will not talk to each other agian. This is normally what happened when couples break up because of arguement. The reason we break up is because she's had to go back to indonesia, it's not because that we argue then we break up. Many times, I really wish she could just stay here and work here. But then, when I think of her father and her family, I can't just be so selfish. I can't ask her to stay here and live happily ever after with me and leave her family at her hometown. I can't do it.

You give and take away,

My heart still choose to say,

Lord blessed be Your name. -by Chris Tomlin-

It's a song that sang by Chris Tomlin. It's easy to sing it when everything is smooth, not when everything goes wrong, especially giving up for the things/person that you loved the most. I'm scared, really scare. I'm afraid that I can't sustain it, I'm afraid that the emptiness will overwhelmed me. I have thank God that He put a lot of friends surrounding me to support me even way before I break up. I really thank God for them. Somehow I wanted to say sorry to them as well, cause many times I failed them by not telling them honestly about my feelings.

I'm sorry ya guys.. I will do better next time..

Goodbye?

2006-11-13T18:22:00.000+08:00

One of my friends from indonesia finally went back to her hometown this afternoon. Even though we're not really close, but then, still there's burden in my heart saying these words of repetition, "Bye Bye". Our friendship it's just only for 3-4 months and there's already a burden saying goodbye, what else, when my girlfriend is going back to her hometown as well. I really can't imagine to say goodbye to a person that I always care for, a person that meant alot to me. Finally, she had decided to go back to her hometown for good. Of course she didn't decided on the spot and just purchased the ticket and go back. She has been struggling over this matter for quite some time, and finally...

I really hate saying goodbye, suddenly it doesn't feel good saying this word. For me, it's like a seperation, and I don't like that. It is so difficult to build a strong relationship, no matter it's a normal friend, or good friend, or partner, somehow it's so burden when I think that we can't meet anymore for a very long period of time.

Maybe it's really God's planning. Everything has been planned since the very beginning of my life that I have to go through this stage. Some might think that it is not fair or maybe it's such a waste.. Well, what can I do? There's nothing I can do except to follow the will of God in my life, believing that His plan is the best for me. Sometimes, it is so easy to say, "Ok God, I trust You". But the matter of fact is, maybe you're not really trusting Him wholeheartedly, or maybe even not trusting Him at all. I myself is going through this stage now, I said many times, "I believe in Your perfect planning and timing, all these hurts and pains is for my own good". But most of the time, I mourn and grief.

Over these past 2 years and 7 months I've accepted Christ, I've not been stopping from getting hurts, pains, suffering, and troubles. It seems like they are my best friends, so faithfully following me every stage I grew up in Christ. But when I think it over and over again, if God doesn't allowed these things to happened to me, I'm 100% sure that I can't be what I am now. For those who knew me past 2 years ago, they saw changes in me.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2-4)

I really can't denied that the bible is true. If I would just say, "Ok, that's it. You go your way and I go my way". For sure, forever I'll running from troubles all of my life. I faced it, and I've changed to a better person.

You'll be supprise that God can change people anytime. By this post itself, God changed me. I started off to write something very negetive, but then, I ended up wrote something to encourage myself. It's really amazing...

"The Room"

2006-11-06T14:43:00.000+08:00

I came across this e-mail that one of my friends sent to me. Usually I won't read it if the message is too long, but not this time. Hope you enjoy reading it.

Here is the e-mail I've copied:
You know sometimes when you are in a hurry, you don't have time to read emails that friends and family send to you, so you just close it and think to yourself that you will read them later, but then you never get around to it? Read this email. Don't close. I don't care if you forward it on or delete it afterwards - just read it.

It's about an essay written by a teenage boy called "The Room". I hate the thought of what my file room will look like. May you be as moved and blessed as I was when I read it. Thanks for letting me share it with you. 17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write something for a class. The subject was what Heaven was like. "I wowed 'em," he later told his father, Bruce. "It's the best thing I ever wrote..." It also was the last. Brian's parents had forgotten about the essay when a cousin found it while cleaning out the teenager's locker at Teary Valley High School.

Brian had been dead only hours, but his parents desperately wanted every piece of his life near them - notes from classmates and teachers, his homework. Only two months before, he had handwritten the essay about encountering Jesus in a file room full of cards detailing every moment of the teen's life. But it was only after Brian's death that Beth and Bruce Moore realized that their son had described his view of heaven. "It makes such an impact that people want to share it. You feel like you are there. "Mr. Moore said. Brian Moore died May 27, 1997. He was driving home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road in Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted.
The Moores framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it among the family portraits in the living room. "I think God used him to make a point. I think we were meant to find it and make something out of it," Mrs. Moore said of the essay. She and her husband want to share their son's vision of life after death. "I'm happy for Brian. I know he's in heaven. I know I'll see him." Brian's Essay:

The Room In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I have liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have betrayed." The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird

Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I have Given," "Jokes I Have laughed at." Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've yelled at my brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger", "Things I Have Muttered under My Breath at My Parents." I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked "TV Shows I have watched", I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.
When I came to a file marked Lustful "Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With."

The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained? With one hand (I could count them all). And then the tears came. I began to weep. (Weep that turn into Sobs). Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes.

Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me. Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. "No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red, so rich, so dark, (and) so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished." I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."- John 3:16

Hmm, what do you think about Jesus doing such a thing? Honestly, I'm very touched by this e-mail.. I hope you too, God bless you.

One package?

2006-10-13T02:01:00.000+08:00

Season of evangelism comes with spiritual attack? Hmm, does this every time come like a package or something? Well, the fact is, it's well known that it's true and it's expected to happened everytime when there's a evangelism programs going on in any churches. Spiritual attack, within Christianity, is a term used to describe the belief that the Devil deliberately using supernatural powers to discourage the targetted Christian from their belief in God. Such attacks can come in many forms, all of which can have a lasting, even permanent, detrimental effect on the recipient's religious life. Spiritual attacks can include possession, fear of holy objects, such as bibles or other holy books, and in many other ways (sources from wikipedia.com). It has been happening for many years, when a church runs any program or events to evangelise, surely, something weird will happened; and I personally experienced such a thing during this season. May I proudly to share this story about "A summon from one hazzy night".

Well, the story goes like this, just like one odinary night after alpha course, I went out with my "friend" to find the exact location where she's going to interview tommorrow morning. So thank God, we successfully found that place. Just right after we found that place, a police car stopped us because they found us very suspicious. So have to do normal procedures as usual lor, "Matikan enjin, tunjuk Lesen dan IC please". Well, the policeman was being nice by asking please with a pleasant tone, so I decided to give him (well, do I sound like I have any option?). So he check my IC and license, then he found out that my license expired, then of course at once I show him my renew license, but then, sometimes shit happens; I don't know how it happened that my renewed license was lost. I searched all over my wallet, my car, my beg, and even my friend's bag. I can't find it. I was quite confident that the license is with me, but still, I failed to show them my renew license. And due to that, I was being issued a summon.

At that time, I thought that I might accidently left it in my "friend" house. So, I decided to go to look for it tommorrow. So, skip a chapter to the next scene. Then here it goes, I reached my friend's place already, then in order to go into the place, I need to take my license to exchange the visitor plat. Here is the climax of the story, I FOUND MY LICENSE INSIDE MY WALLET. It's really impossible that I can't see it if my license was there in the beginning in my wallet. Because of this, somehow, I've did a charity to donate money to government. So, what to do you think? It's a human error or spiritual attack? Believe or not? Believe it!