KK, here I come..

Yeah, another 15 more hours I can meet my darling in KK lu.. After 3 months of long distance relationship, finally we can see each other. And what makes me stay up until so late and blog about it, haha, thanks to my ASSignmnet. Recently had been sleeping late because of the assignment. Sigh, so let's not talk more about that boring stuff.

So, here are little updates from me so far..

To be exact, I have another 3 more weeks then I will no longer wearing anymore Apiit's student tag. YEAH!! But at the same time, I no longer can have student's privilege. No more cheap movie ticket, no more cheap haircut, no more special discount for students, and many more. Somehow, my feeling tell me that when someone who is already working will tell me this, "Haha, welcome to our world!" Somehow..

Oh how could I ever forget this.. Hehe, by God's grace finally I’m leading a group of 3 in my share group. What's a share group? It's a group of people where we meet and we share our journey of life to encourage and to be encouraged by one another. We share our deepest fear, our ups and downs, our worries, our excitements, our interests, our passions, and most importantly we share and we get to know each other more, very much like a family; genuine relationship with one another. Our first ever meeting was on Friday. We really had fun, like really fun spending time together in playing games, singing few songs, and sharing our lives. Adele, I’m sorry to mention this again, but that is nothing close to a tractor. Hahahaha… May I invite those who doesn’t have share group, come and join us. We can't wait to share our joy together with you and to become part of us as a family.

We’ll be meeting every Friday at 8.oo p.m. in church. To find out more about our church, here’s the link (http://www.ilovefcc.com/2008.1/index.html)

Well, so far for now. I can’t think of anything else because my brain is shutting down already. Haha, till then. Oh ya, the part 3 will be posted once I’m back from KK.. Hehe.. God bless all of you..

Your grace is sufficient for me.. always.. (part 2)

Hehe, so I was late for few days, forgive me.. :P. Too busy with assignments.. So here comes the 2nd part of "Your grace is sufficient for me.. always.. part 2"

The second time I joined the youth camp was in 2006, so this time around, it is still the same problem I encountered, which is my financial status and this will always be for a student with no side incomes and foolishly try to go somewhere else for a trip. Every time when I was being called or maybe I should say being challenged by my worship leader to go for that camp, I am seriously worried about money. But whenever I thought of that, there are some people will tell me that, “Hey, don’t worry about money, when you’re doing God’s work, God will provide”. “Man, of course it is easy for you to say, it’s me that don’t have money, not you.” That was what I used to say silently in my heart when people said that to me. But that was me previously of course. So this might come across your mind, do you usually thinks that there is no one understand your feeling what you’re going through in that moment? I used to think that people don’t understand what I’m going through during the period, but the matter of fact is, people really do understand. Nothing is new under the sun, that’s what God says. So, don’t ever think that you are the only one that facing that problem, in fact, all of us do.


So, there are two very important people came into my story of blessing, first is Kevin and the second one is Irene. Kevin offered himself to help those who do not have enough money or financial problem. Some sort of a money lender like that. It’s not “loan shark” ar, because he did not charge with interest. Then I borrowed a sum of money from him to pay off my air ticket. Then Irene came into my story because out of nowhere, she gave me an envelope. And of course you guys know what is in the envelope right? Yup, it’s the money. I really thank God for her, and btw, she’s my spiritual mother because she was the witness when I was baptized. The envelope that she gave me eases me a lot in paying my debts. Because of both of them, I was able to joined to the camp and served in the camp as an electric guitarist. I also will share about my journey becoming an electric guitarist when I have time to do so (this is sort of like a sneak peak. Hahaha).

So after came back from the camp, I am clearing my debts by monthly like what I’ve told him my payment scheme would be. At the last 2nd payment, he said to me that “No need to pay for the last 2 installment, treat it as a blessing.” Wao, blessing after blessing.

It really proves me that our God is not a joking God, in Hakka they called it “mou gau xiao oh!” When He says that He’ll provide, man, you’ve gotta be prepare for it man. Don’t play play with our God. So for those who are afraid or fear of something that stopping you in achieving something great for our God, from now on you don’t have to be. Our powerful God that is in control of everything is living in us, yes, in you. You can do almost countless of things when Christ is in you. Impossible is a word that doesn’t exist in God’s dictionary, it’s only found in human’s dictionary.

So this is the 2nd part of the stories. Recently another great testimony happened to me. So that would be in part 3. Till then.. Peace..

This was the team that went to the Camp in KK. Haha, Desmond, you're still thin that time. Hahaha..

Your grace is sufficient for me.. always.. (part 1)

For the past three days, I’ve experienced the wonderful blessing from God. Allow me to share my joy with you. For the past few months ago, I was still struggling to decide whether wanted to go to youth camp at KK(Kota Kinabalu). Btw, that youth camp I mentioned, it was a camp that organized by Sabah Diocese every year. The purpose is to gather all the teenagers from age 13-20++ (haha, I used to fall under 20 category, anyway..) to worship God together and to build relationship between the Anglican’s churches in Sabah.

Back to where I am, I have been joining this camp about 3 times including this time. And every time I joined this camp, I have a struggle which is my financial status. Well, people said that Air Asia is the cheapest airline, well, until a certain point I do agreed with that. But as a student, for me, I still find difficulties in finding my own money to buy the air ticket. But each and every time God knew my circumstances. He’s there to always provide me. The first time I went to that camp was in year 2005. The blessing of God to me was, He provided me a cheaper air ticket. The story goes like this, a team from FCC (which is my church Faith Christian Center) were joining the camp and all of them were buying the tickets earlier to make sure the flight was available on that day. So the price that time was around 180++ if I'm not mistaken. A few people asked me to buy during the same time. But I was a student, how can I afford that. So I decided to trust in God and of course I did prayed for a cheaper price. And well, God was really good to me, in about a month later, God pulled the price down to 80++.. I saved about, well, you do the calculation lar.. Haha.. And I forget to mentioned that, it was about a week ago before we left.

God really understand my needs at that moment, I was left nothing to say but just to praise Him and to ponder more of Him. That was about 3 years ago.. I'll continue my "Your grace is sufficient for me.. always.. (part 2)" some other day because I'm feeling really sleepy and hungry.. Sigh, I hate I'm hungry when it's time to sleep..

This was me taken in some mountain in Tawau la, forgot the name already.. Oh boy, I'm still skinny that time... Haha.. Till then.. Peace

The meaning of failure

For some people, “failure” or “failed” or whatever word that is close to that meaning, is a word that they will try their best not to learn the meaning from any kind dictionary or even if we can, we don’t want to know this word even exist. The word failure really seems hard to digest isn’t it? But the matter of fact is, whether you like it or not, failure is a part of life. Let me explain why. When we were about a year or 2, we start to learn how to walk, and part of the learning progress, we fell. And when we were about 2 to 3 years old, we start to learn how to run, and part of the learning progress, we fell. When we were in our primary school, well, this doesn’t apply to all, we failed our tests and exams. When we in our secondary school, it doesn’t apply to all as well, we failed our tests and exams, but this time, we add a little more stuff, some of them might have failed in their relationship as well. When we are in our college life, as usual, we might have failed our tests, projects, exams, relationship and etc. When we graduated, we might fail looking for jobs for like half a year or maybe more. Failure is just with us in every stages of our life. But of course, there are people who had never failed before in their life, well; I do thank God that He had really blessed them. But most of us, we do encountered many failures in our lives.

Imagine what if we stop learning walking when we fell or we stop dating when we failed our first relationship or we stop studying when we first failed our paper? Or imagine what if Alexander Graham Bell gave up on his research after failing so many times just to make the telephone works, or what if Wright’s brother gave up after the first attempts to flight were not successful, or what if even Christ gave up after being accused he’s a blasphemer and all He did on earth is for us, to prepare a path of salvation of mankind. And if He choose not to die on the cross during His suffering at Gethsemane knowing that He is going to die soon? The matter of fact is all of them they did not gave up on their failures. That is why we have our telephone, airplanes and even salvation. Failure is a reason for all of us to do better next time, is an opportunity to become a better person. Treat failure as your close friend, he will make you a better person.

Failure was never meant to crush you, but to make you even stronger, tougher, steadier, mature, wiser, and the list goes on. So far for now.. Peace..

Another week..

Ah ha, I've made it.. Haha.. This week I was assigned again to fetch people back to damansara. Last week, I dare not to fetch them back because I was not sure about the road. But today, haha, I've not fail myself. All of them are safe back to their houses. Thank God.. Haha.

Regarding about the previous post, few days ago some thoughts came across my mind when I'm listening to David Cook's songs. I was wondering, how good it is if I know him personally as a close friend. Or maybe Jessica Alba since I'm watching Honey right now on TV3. Or maybe Tom Cruise since suddenly "The Last Samurai" popped out of my mind. That would really made me really different isn't it? I think I would have more privillage than normal people. I get to know their personally, what places that they have been before, what funny things had happened to them before or what interesting things happened to them. It will also make me feel proud because I have a famous celebrities as my friend.

As I think a little bit more further, I think I would have more privillage if I'm a son of a King or maybe a President or something. I can do everything, almost everything I can. I can eat whatever food I want to eat, I can buy whatever clothes I want, I can buy many guitars as I want and the lists goes on and on and on..

If you're proud because you have celebrities as your friend, or maybe you're proud because you're son of someone, I believe and you should be even proud if you are a friend of God. Hey, is God wor. Have you ever thought of God can be your bestfriend?? God extend His invitation to us to be His friend. I believe that it is the highest privillage that we can have. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. Can you find a friend like that? Well, I found one.. Jesus.. He died on the cross to wiped off our sins once and for all that we may find hope again. Treasure God more would you? :)

Things to think..

I was quite bored the whole day. Just a random question wanted to post out to you guys. Do you like to spend time in thinking something or certain issues? What stuff that you guys usually will think?

A letter from the Father..

My friend sent me a link and I wanted to share how caring our Father in heaven is..

Father's Love Letter
My Child ~You may not know me, but I know everything about you ~ Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up ~ Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways ~ Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered ~ Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image ~ Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being ~ Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring ~ Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived ~ Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation ~ Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book ~ Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live ~ Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made ~ Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb ~ Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born ~ Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me ~ John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love ~ 1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you ~ 1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child and I am your father ~ 1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could ~ Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father ~ Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand ~ James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs ~ Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope ~ Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love ~ Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore ~ Psalm 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing ~ Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you ~ Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession ~ Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul ~ Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things ~ Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me ~ Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart ~ Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires ~ Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine ~ Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager ~ 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles ~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you ~ Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart ~ Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes ~ Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth ~ Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus ~ John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed ~ John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being ~ Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you ~ Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you ~ 1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love ~ Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me ~ 1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you from my love again ~ Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen ~ Luke 15:7

I have always been Father, and will always be Father ~ Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is ~ Will you be my child? ~ John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you ~ Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad, Almighty God

Can I know the way to...

What a day.. Today is quite special to me cause I've experienced new things today. Firstly, today is special because it was a "Bring a friend weekend". The purpose is to bring new friends to listen to some of the live testimonies shared by our church members. Indeed it was a very good reminder how God is working in each every individuals lives. Somehow, the excitement continues...

I get to know 8 new friends today.. They are:

1. Chay (This guy really looks like Chan Ho (Moses).. Not kidding..

2. Grace

3. Sarah

4. Yvonne (I'm not sure whether this is the correct spelling or not)

5. Amos

6. James

7. Oh no, I forgot 2 names... hahaha.. Sorry :P

8. Jason (this guy I already knew previously)

I need to send them back to their home, the great news is, except for KDU, I have no idea at all where are the rest are staying.. Here are some of the place where they live, KBU, Pusat Bandar Damansara, and also Paramount (if I'm not mistaken). So I have totally no idea how to send them back, so I decided to bring them to have their dinner first meanwhile, try to get some help from other people. Well, at the end, I needed Desmond's help.. I tried not to involve him because we had a deal earlier on.. Either I will drive to damansara or kajang. So I chose damansara because kajang seems even not familiar to me.. Gosh, who knows..

So at the end, Desmond have to travel twice, poor guy.. Sorry Des, I really don't mean it..

So I think I have memorized the all their places, next time, I believe I can send them back already.. haha..

Here is the directions, just in case though...

From Western Digital turns right, then go straight till pass 2 traffic lights then turns right, then meet another traffic light again turns left, then turn right again go through housing areas, then turn right again, then turn left and turn left again.. Taa daa, I've just reached Paramount..

Then from there turn right and then turn left, then turn right, taa daa, I'm save.. I finally know where I am.. I'm in SS2. So KDU was not a problem.. And after KDU is KBU.. Well, it's not that hard for KBU as well.. I can memorized that so does the PBD..

Haha, end of story... hahaha..

Change Look..

Hehe, a new fresh look on my blog.. Jenny, I also changed lio leh.. Haha.. Oppss, then I ma let you know what time I sleep lio..

The Doctor and the Frog

So recently I was looking into jokes due to overstress for my final year project and I found this. Enjoy..

The Doctor and the Frog

So there is a doctor wanted to do a study on frogs. So he caught one frog and he decided to do experiment on how high can a frog really jumps. So somehow, this is a joke, assume that the frog understand english ok? So he tell the frog "Frogie, jump!". (So the name just prompted suddenly..)

And so the frog jumps. So in his reports he wrote, "Ok, 4 feet frog = jumps 4 feet high". Then he thinks for a while, let's cut off one of his leg and see how high forgie can jump and so he did. So again he tell the frog to jump and the frog did.

So he wrote in the report, "3 feet frog = jumps 3 feet high". So he continue again with his research, cut another leg. Again he asked the frog to jump, and the frog jumps. In his report, he wrote "2 feet frog = jumps 2 feet high". So he decides to cut another one leg and asked the frog to jump agian and the frog jumps again. So in the report, "1 feet frog = jumps 1 foot high".

So this doctor decided to cut off the remaining leg of frogie.. He tell forgie, "Jump.. Jump.. JUMP FROGIE!!!". So in his report he wrote this.. "Frog with no feet = goes deaf"

Well, I'm not sure will everyone gets it or not, cuz I've explained this joke before, and you know that when jokes have to be explained, it's not fun at all.. hahaha..

A little sense of Humor

So, I came across this joke, feel like wanted to share it out. Though there's a bit offensive, but nevertheless, enjoy.. :)


Who Is God?

A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"
"Both son. God is both."
After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"
"Both son, both."
"Daddy, does God love children?"
"Yes son, he loves all children."
The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"

So the lesson here is, how do you tell other's about God is important.. Don't simply answer for the sake of shutting up your children's mouth.. hahaha..

Updates*

Long time I have not update my blog since don’t know when. Few of my friends told me that “hey, go and update your blog la!”. Well, not that I don’t want to update my blog, just that somehow I’m out of topics and ideas of what to blog. Somehow, sometimes I do feel the urged to blog and what is stopping me to do that is sometimes I think if it is too personal, I don’t feel comfortable sharing it out. Well, anyway, here is some update about my current status.

For studies, this is already my final year and my final semester of my studies life. I will be graduating in September if nothing goes wrong and hopefully nothing will goes wrong. Sigh, the more I have to stay in college the more lazy I’ll get. This is already my final year and my final year project is killing me, yet I still do nothing about it. Somehow, I just don’t feel like doing it. Ya, I know I still have to do it anyway, but the constant struggle in me is really killing me. All the while, I’ve been very grateful to God because He’s grace is really sufficient for me. Throughout my whole college life till now, I’ve never failed before in any of my subjects. Thank God for that.. But for this time, I’m not so sure anymore, It’s not that God don’t want to bless me, it’s my own laziness will cause me to failed. I seriously need to deal with this for the last time in my college life.

For relationship, well long distance relationship is really not fun to play at all. Btw, fyi, my the other half is in KK now for those who still doesn’t know. It’s has been more than a month we are in long distance relationship. It’s really tough for me cuz this is the first time I’m having such a relationship. I’m a person who doesn’t like to talk on the phone and for now that’s the only tool we have to communicate with one another. I felt constant struggle also but not always the case of course. Sometimes I feel very excited to talked to her on the phone, but sometimes, I just feel don’t. But communication is essential for both of us, so no matter how I don’t wish to talk on the phone also I have to.

For my band, haiy, somehow, it doesn’t seems to work out that well after all. Originally there was 4 of us, that’s why we named ourselves as UNITED4. Huh, I almost forget what we named ourselves. But now the current band members left me and my drummer. I still remember that why we named this is because we wanted to be united among our members and also united for something else like for Christ. But somehow, the name doesn’t really suit the band cuz we aren’t united. I am still preparing myself for a day that I will have my own band and also my own album. But this seems to be still quite far away from me. Sometimes, I tend to give up, but I don’t want to just give up like that. I wanted to achieved something that I loved the most. There is only one life, and I wanted to live it well and I don’t want to leave any regrets when I look back the past in future telling myself that “I should have done this long time ago”. I pray that God will guide.

For my spiritual growth, this is even worst. Maybe I have been too busy being a Martha that I totally forget about being Mary. I worked and worked and worked, and I totally despite the Lord. Is ironic is it? Doing God’s work without involving God in it? Recently I don’t feel God like how I used to feel long time ago, and I knew that I have a problem, it’s me. I feel like I’m walking not towards God, but away from God. I need to get back to God agian. I believe that this is the very reason why my life is in a mess right now. My relationship with God is not right. When the relationship with God is not right, everything else seems to be not right. I didn’t not recieved His guidance, His steps and His planning for me. I did not plan any of my plans also. I just turn my auto-pilot function on.

These constant struggle I feel like is another whole new level to me. Like what my pastor had preached the other day, the israelites(me) is focusing on the struggles that they are facing, but God focus on the opportunities to growth through suffering. God has been always good, always.. It is through suffering that we know that are many things we can’t handle it ourselves, especially our lives. I can’t even assure what will happened on the next second. The only I think I can really do now is to wait upon the Lord, and my strength will rises, to know His power in quietness and trust. Then when the ocean rise and thunder storms in life, I will soar with Him like an eagle above the storms.

The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth.

He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding.

He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.

Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall.

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.

They will soar high on wings like eagles.

They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

(Isaiah 40:28-31)

Cry on my shoulder

Walao, another sleepless night.. Damn you Assignment.. and damn you Danny because you're lazy bump.. But if I didn't not stay up until so late, I will never had a chance to found this song. This song, some how comforts me a lot, like really a LOT.. This is also for you Jenny.. :)


Cry on my shoulder:

If the hero never comes to you

If you need someone, you’re feeling blue

If you wait for love, and you’re alone

If you call your friends, nobody’s home

You can run away, but you can’t hide

Through a storm and

through a lonely night

Then I’ll show you, there’s a destiny

The best things in life, they are free

Chorus:

But if you wanna cry

Cry on my shoulder

If you need someone

Who cares for you

If you’re feeling sad

Your hearts gets colder

Yes i show you what real love can do

If your sky is grey Oh let me know

There’s a place in heaven, where we’ll go

If heaven is a million years away

Oh just call me and I’ll make your day

When the nights are

getting cold and blue

When the days are getting hard for you

I will always stay by your side

I promise you, I’ll never hide

*Chorus

This song is just so wonderful.. I hope the lyrics will encourage you..

If you are curious how does it sounds like with melodies..
http://youtube.com/watch?v=DSrp8ZUl5Pc&feature=related

or... watch it down here... hehe.. enjoy the song..

The greatest Gifts..

It’s been very long I did not update my blog. Last weekend till now, I had many bad experiences. My secondary school friends got married and not only I have to give “gifts” to him, but at the same time also, I got a gift from uncle police. It’s a long story.. But nevertheless, it’s my fault too. Then at the same night, my phone suddenly got hang, then after I turn off the phone and on it back again, suddenly, my phone only appears white screen. I had no idea how did it happened, but it just did. Well, I can’t view any of my messages, I can only received calls. Then today is my assignment due date and yet I screwed up my assignment. I spent the whole day to complete my assignment before 7. I finished up at 6.15pm, but who knows, I did not save the document. I don’t know why either, I remember pressing CTRL+S for many times already, but when I wanted to open the document to re-check again, it appears nothing, what I’ve done previously all did not get saved. But I thank God I managed to finish up before time although the points are not complete.

There are many reasons I can thank God for, but among so many things that He gave me, I believe the most precious gifts from Him was, Jesus Himself. Salvation that He gave it me for free cost His lives to be hangs on the cross. There is none gifts that are greater than this. The second most precious gift that He gave me was my girl friend.

This is my girlfriend, lovely isn’t she?

I always like to tease her, we have been communicating like that since we’re friends. Actually one of my hobbies is to tease. To be able to share my life with her is a blessing to me, we’ve gone through much although we’ve just been together only for a year. But we know each other almost 3 years before we get along together. This is what I dream of for my relationship, to start with being a friend first. We got along closer and closer and eventually both of us also fall for each other without both of our realization.

During in the relationship, we been through tough time together, “It get even tough when she’s emotional!” Haha, but even through that, we solved the problems together. I used to run away from her when both of us are in the bad mood because of arguments, but she taught me not too, so I listened to her and I changed slowly, and now I’m not running anymore from her. That is what I’ve learned and I will use it always in many areas of my life. I wish that I could always be around her when she’s sad, and she always seems to be strong in front of other people, but she’s actually quite not. She had too, because she doesn’t want people that are close to her feel bad. She cared about other people’s feeling too much that she would rather swallow it herself, even though when she was being misunderstood. I also wish that I could be by her side to cheer her up and makes her happy always. But unfortunately, what I fear the most it’s finally happening to me. She had to leave because of work. She’s going to enter full time to be a church worker soon and she’s going very soon. She will be sent to KK to do her training there. I knew this day would come, I’ve tried my best to encourage her but yet my tears drops when I saw her tears falling from her eyes. I knew that what is the purpose that God sent her away, I understand it very well. But though I understand, my heart feels so pain but I don’t wish to share this burden to anyone. She has been with me all the while, whatever we do we do it together, but when I start thinking that she’s not with me, it really breaks my heart. There’s nothing I can do, what I can is to write on the blog, cause I knew people won’t visit my blog cause’ I’ve stop writing for a long period. I really thank God for giving me such a wonderful partner. There is nothing more I could ever want than both You and her..

God, I knew the reason You are sending her away, keep me strong Father. No matter what, I still trust, no matter what..

What makes me different?

Recently this question keep prompting in my mind and makes me can't stop thinking of it. What makes me different? Seriously I don't know. Ya, Christians were called to be different, I am christian but am I really different from others? Jesus said that we are called to be the salt of the world and also light of the world. But do I really am? Or any chances close to that?

Today I went shopping alone, somehow I realized that I am nothing different from anyone else on the street, even in my class. I'm not as hardworking as those who really dumped in everything just to get A, I'm not as smart as those top student, and as conclusion, I'm not outstanding student/people. So how am I going to show to other people that who really Jesus is.

My new semester just started and this is my final year, I prayed that I can do something that make God feel proud of me.

Our band had actually existed for 9 months, and recently God finally show His way to our band. Finally we've sort out many things that we previously not. Thank God and by God's grace we are able to went through that stage. Now another challenge is waiting ahead. The challenge of relationship between all the band members. The band have gone through alot and hoping that one day, this band will make a great impact to the local churches even reached out the society. Hopefully this will go somewhere, at least somewhere..

Weird, very weird..

I just had a very weirdest dream ever. Somehow it’s not really a weird dream, but I don’t what other words can be replaced other than weird. So it’s 6 in the morning and I just slept for only 3 hours and yet I’m very awake, so I decided to blog the dream I had.

Actually before the dream started, I had my devotion and do a little bit of bible study and I usually will pray a prayer that the Lord will speaks to me whenever I read His words. But just now, I prayed a prayer that I never pray before, I prayed that may His word of revelation will reveal to me. I always wonder how did God taught His disciples especially in the days of Abraham till the day that Jesus was born. Well, I found out that there’s few; (1) the Lord spoke to them directly, or (2) through dreams. So, here is my dream.

The dream is about my family. I had 2 brothers in reality, but this dream is about my youngest brother. So I believe its Sunday in the dream, cuz I bring my whole family out for shopping. So before we started shopping we decided to put down my brother to one of the care centers that the shopping complex provided. Just before we put them down, he accidentally knock his head on the table and bleed. The reason is because there’s a nail on the table. Everyone was nervous, but no one take any actions, so I carried my brother and run like a mad person to find clinics in shopping complex, but there’s none. Oh ya, to make the dream more dramatically, in reality I love my youngest brother a lot. So you can imagine how desperate I was in my dream to save him.

The story continued, so I managed to found a clinic at last, but it was an old clinic and they told me that they needed certain equipments if need to do an operation. So I ran all over the place and search what the doctor needs. After I bought all the stuff, I was too late, my brother died because out of breath. I cried and sober for the whole dream after that incident. Guilt are added more and more to myself because I thought it was me that cause him for his death because I was too late to pass the things that the doctor needed. I cried and I cried and I cried non stop. But later I heard news that my brother was actually being murdered. The ventilation equipment was being pulled out that cause my brother’s death. I saw a knife and I ran all over the place with that knife, even if my family and my friends stopped me, I ran and hide from them and I search for the murderer personally.

At the end before I managed to found that murderer, one of my best friends met me and talk to me. She told me that I needed freedom; freedom from guilt and anger. She offers me a prayer and right after the prayer I begin to feel better and I went back to the clinic and see my brother for the last time. When I reached there, I forgot how I knew that somehow that was the murderer. Suddenly my anger came back and I wanted to capture her, but somehow she’s very strong even she’s has super powers, very much like she was demon possessed.

I ran away from her and at a point I have to jump off from a building. Ok, I know it’s a bit long and a little to dramatic, but this is a dream after all right? I didn’t managed to die jumping from 10th floor. When I jumped, somehow, I prayed and it works. So she was so mad and she jump down too and start using her super powers. I was afraid and I have is the word of God and faith only. Both of these eventually help me to overcome the fears and I even using the name of Jesus to do exorcist. Finally everything was over, and I asked her why she did that. She said she saw my brother was too suffering from pain, so she just took off the ventilation equipment. Suddenly, out of no where, miracle happened, my brother came alive and I was overwhelmed by God’s miracles. And that’s the end of the story. I woke up and my tears are falling off from my eyes.

Why at the first place I mentioned about my dream? There are few lessons for me from God. Firstly, God reminded me how much I need to care for my family and pray for them. Recently many things happened; I seldom spend time with my family. I need to do a little bit of catch up here. Secondly, God showed me in that dream how powerful is guilt and anger is. Guilt and anger is the strongest weapons for satan to use to attack mankind. Thirdly, being confidence of the power of God. Whenever you believe and Jesus said whenever you called unto His name, He surely will come down from heaven and give you a hand to help you.

One of the reason I believe I had this dream is because recently in Malaysia there’s too many of murder cases of little children. I know that’s not new, but every cases is getting more and more violent and serious. Many parents were very afraid about this. They are living in fear everyday that they afraid that something might happened to their beloved children. I really prayed that God will be with all of us, especially with those who are weak. May the Lord bless us all.

Updated already... ~ Yeah~

Finally, NO more EXAMS, NO more ASSIGNMENTS, and NO more revision, but only for last for only 2 months. But anyway, I'm glad that I've passed all these. I always thank God for His faithfulness. He's been always there for me whenever, I mean really whenever I needed Him. It's been long time didn't update my blog. Wait, let me check back when is the last blog I updated.. ~haha~ It's like 9 months ago.. --" In this 9 months, many things had happened to me.. Getting myself entered into a new relationship, I've finished 2 semester :P , many lessons I've learned through circumstances, and if I continue I think I won't be able to finish typing.. haha.. Anyway, two of the most happening events that I had for these past 9 months were, firstly of course entering into a new relationship. I am very thankful and very blessed to have such a supporting, loving, and caring soul mate (although sometimes kena nag abit :P). Without her supporting all the while, especially in the past few months, I believe that I would have gone through it much harder. Thank you dear..

Secondly, it’s almost equally significant; a band was formed. I was actually very excited about this. Even though we are not professional musicians and also not talented people, but we are very passionate about music. Actually, there are few people that changed my life entirely, firstly, of course it would be God, secondly it’s my cell leaders, thirdly my friends that cared for me, and lastly, by having a dream also made me changed my life. I think without them, I wouldn’t be who am I right now, for those who knows me previously and currently, they might noticed it.

Maybe one fine day I think should talk more about the band and my dream and also some problems I’m facing.. I’m very tired.. ~yawning~ now.. Good night..

Part time job - part two

So, it's part two because this morning I continue my work again and I thought yesterday was the first day and suppose to be my last day. But, who knows, shit happens again to me; it has been extended until this afternoon. So, early in the morning, have to start drilling again. This time I'm not so lucky. I injured my left hand due to that drill is too heavy. Sigh, I have no idea how am I going to serve this saturday. But somehow, it's done. I'm done for the day.

So, I was packing up my stuff and on my way to my car. And guess what, my car is almost cover all up with red ants on top of my car. I was wondering, why there's so many cars packed along side with me, but why only my car is full of red ants? Only one answer explain it all, Shit Happens.. Hmm, I start pondering whether or not it's a curse to me since after I put that symbol 'Shit Happens' in my car. Anyway, let's forget about it. So, my hand gets 'dirty' today. I killed lots of lots of ants.

Hopefully there's nothing to do with that symbol.. Hahaha.. It was gift from my beloved friend all the way from australia. If she read this, I think she's gonna be mad.. Sorry ya.. ;P i don't mean it..

Part time job?

Hmm, it's been a long while I didn't work outside. So yesterday one of my mom's friends gave me a call while I was still sleeping on my lovely bed. So he asked me whether I wanted to work for one day as a so called IT technician 'lar'. So since I've got nothing to do, I accepted that offer. On the other side I also can earn a little income for myself. So, today is the day. I woke up and wait for his call. Why? Because he didn't tell me anything about the work. Where to meet? Where to work? What time to meet? And what do to? He didn't tell me anything regard of this. So I waited for his call, and he called me again while I was still sleeping on my lovely bed again. He told me where to meet and what time then he hang up his phone. He didn't told me what car is he driving also.

So I just went there and hopefully I can recognize his face. So coincident when I arrived that place, an estima started to reverse and went pass by me. I can't really see clearly his face at that moment, I just knew that he's fat, and my mom's friend is fat. So I just followed that car. But, inside my heart telling me, "this isn't right man!" So I called my boss and asked him whether he's there already or not? Who knows he said haven't yet and the best part is, I waited him at the wrong place some more. Shit happens sometimes...

So, this shit haven't finished happening yet. As I mentioned above, I was called to be as an IT technician. So the task for the day is to set up those network cables for an office. And due to I've no experience on this, and guess what did I do for the day? Grill the wall man!! What the heck! My hand shakes non stop. Oh boy, I don't know how am I going to play guitar this week. My hand is as weak as a toufu now. Habislah. God, have mercy on me!

ps: haha, so it's drill not grill ya.. Too hungry at that moment, so thinking of grill something to eat.. hahaha..

satan's pride and my pride

I think now only I really understood why satan desired to be God so much. When there's something that you never had before and suddenly you have it, you will tend to use it if it's not for the correct purpose then you'll used it for the wrong purpose. When you have everything that you wanted and when everything seems to be pretty good, you'll tend to become forgetful that who is the one that actually provided all these things to you. Satan has this problem. He (an angel actually doesn't have any gender, so I refer him as a male) was an archangel that is in charge of worship in heaven. He's good looking, talented musician, gifted in music and leading worship, and he's basically good at everything. And all this, it's God who created him and given him so many talents, and yet, he rebelled against God because he thinks that "Since I had everything that I wanted and I have so many talents and power, why not I become God myself? So this is the problem about him. And this is the main reason why satan fall. When satan fall unto the earth, he uses the same trick again to make a trap for Adam and Eve. I believe everyone is familiar with this story. The serpent(satan) tempted Eve to eat that forbidden fruit by using the same old trick again which is pride. He said, "when you eat of it (the fruit) your eyes will be opened and YOU WILL BE LIKE GOD, knowing good and evil."

It's pretty much scary when you realized that you're getting there soon. Pride happens when the glory that suppose belong to God, instead of giving all the glory back to God, you keep it for yourself. This is what I personally found out just recently. How do I realized that? Because I'm the one that involved in it.

As for those people who knew me, they knew that I'm a new electric guitar player in my church. I started to picked up and learn electric guitar about half a year ago. I've improved a lot and most of the people said that I'm a fast learner and I did a pretty good job too. Well, I really thank God for what He had blessed me a talent of playing guitar, but there's where my pride comes in. Because of that, I came to realized that I started to keep little by little glory for myself instead of giving it all to God. Well, I admit that I'm still weak in this area and when I came to realized this, I felt down on my knees and pray for forgiveness. The main reason why satan fall is because of pride. I don't wish my pride causes me to stumble and fall.

At the beginning, I don't have anything and suddenly I had these skills. Firstly, I used it for correct purpose, I used it to serve God back in that area. I appreciate this gifts and I practice even harder to make myself improve more. But the problem with me is, after quite some time, my skills really improved, but I forget actually it was God that given me this talent. And I thought it's was 'I' that help myself to improve.

Recently God reminded me again what is the very first motive why I served Him? Why do I came every week to practice on Tuesday? Why do I attended service every Saturday/Sunday? It doesn't seems related to my problem, but then God reminded me about 'LOVE'. It's out of love that initiates me to served Him at very beginning. Paul said "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing." - 2 Corinthians 13:1-3

God reminded me again that serving Him doesn't have to be very knowledgable, doesn't have to be very experiences in certain areas, very well equipped in certain skills, all ever God wanted is a heart that willingly follow Him faithfully and a heart that love Him more than anything else. I'll learn this lesson and hopefully one day when I accomplish those lessons, I'll heard God saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said to Him humbly, "Here I am Lord. Send me!"