Tuesday, December 19, 2006

- Lonely Christmas -

It's been a while that I didn't update my blog. I was just being reminded of my friend that I didn't blog for quite some time already. Well, just to update update a bit lar.. Hmm, it's been 29 days that I seperate with my ex-gf.. Gosh, it's only 29 days and I felt like i was already for few months.. It's so tough and difficult to letting go of it; but still have to let go.. Just last week, my church has just celebrated an early christmas celebration. We had a great party at that evening. Everyone was having fun playing games and singing some caroling songs.. I was having fun too on the stage playing guitar.. But right after the end of the party, I wasn't feeling what suppose to feel after party.. Instead of being excited, I feel lonely.. That night, I don't have mood to talk nor smile. I withdraw myself from them.. I choosed to sit alone and pray..

Lots of lots of flash back keep appearing in my mind when I was still with her. I still remember how we started, what are the movies that we first watched together, where do we usually hang out, what do we usually do.. all these, keep appearing so fresh in my mind. I still can't really accept the fact that we had already broke up.. Sometimes, unconciously i still calling her dear dear in my message and mail.. That was what I usually call her.. I still can't really get used to it yet.. Sigh, somehow, needed more time..

Really hoping that this period of mourning will end fast, but at the same time, if this mourning season has passed, i might possibly recovered and I wouldn't need her as I do now.. Then what should I do? I don't wish to let her go, but at the same time, i need to move on also.. it's so complicated..