What makes me different?

Recently this question keep prompting in my mind and makes me can't stop thinking of it. What makes me different? Seriously I don't know. Ya, Christians were called to be different, I am christian but am I really different from others? Jesus said that we are called to be the salt of the world and also light of the world. But do I really am? Or any chances close to that?

Today I went shopping alone, somehow I realized that I am nothing different from anyone else on the street, even in my class. I'm not as hardworking as those who really dumped in everything just to get A, I'm not as smart as those top student, and as conclusion, I'm not outstanding student/people. So how am I going to show to other people that who really Jesus is.

My new semester just started and this is my final year, I prayed that I can do something that make God feel proud of me.

Our band had actually existed for 9 months, and recently God finally show His way to our band. Finally we've sort out many things that we previously not. Thank God and by God's grace we are able to went through that stage. Now another challenge is waiting ahead. The challenge of relationship between all the band members. The band have gone through alot and hoping that one day, this band will make a great impact to the local churches even reached out the society. Hopefully this will go somewhere, at least somewhere..

Weird, very weird..

I just had a very weirdest dream ever. Somehow it’s not really a weird dream, but I don’t what other words can be replaced other than weird. So it’s 6 in the morning and I just slept for only 3 hours and yet I’m very awake, so I decided to blog the dream I had.

Actually before the dream started, I had my devotion and do a little bit of bible study and I usually will pray a prayer that the Lord will speaks to me whenever I read His words. But just now, I prayed a prayer that I never pray before, I prayed that may His word of revelation will reveal to me. I always wonder how did God taught His disciples especially in the days of Abraham till the day that Jesus was born. Well, I found out that there’s few; (1) the Lord spoke to them directly, or (2) through dreams. So, here is my dream.

The dream is about my family. I had 2 brothers in reality, but this dream is about my youngest brother. So I believe its Sunday in the dream, cuz I bring my whole family out for shopping. So before we started shopping we decided to put down my brother to one of the care centers that the shopping complex provided. Just before we put them down, he accidentally knock his head on the table and bleed. The reason is because there’s a nail on the table. Everyone was nervous, but no one take any actions, so I carried my brother and run like a mad person to find clinics in shopping complex, but there’s none. Oh ya, to make the dream more dramatically, in reality I love my youngest brother a lot. So you can imagine how desperate I was in my dream to save him.

The story continued, so I managed to found a clinic at last, but it was an old clinic and they told me that they needed certain equipments if need to do an operation. So I ran all over the place and search what the doctor needs. After I bought all the stuff, I was too late, my brother died because out of breath. I cried and sober for the whole dream after that incident. Guilt are added more and more to myself because I thought it was me that cause him for his death because I was too late to pass the things that the doctor needed. I cried and I cried and I cried non stop. But later I heard news that my brother was actually being murdered. The ventilation equipment was being pulled out that cause my brother’s death. I saw a knife and I ran all over the place with that knife, even if my family and my friends stopped me, I ran and hide from them and I search for the murderer personally.

At the end before I managed to found that murderer, one of my best friends met me and talk to me. She told me that I needed freedom; freedom from guilt and anger. She offers me a prayer and right after the prayer I begin to feel better and I went back to the clinic and see my brother for the last time. When I reached there, I forgot how I knew that somehow that was the murderer. Suddenly my anger came back and I wanted to capture her, but somehow she’s very strong even she’s has super powers, very much like she was demon possessed.

I ran away from her and at a point I have to jump off from a building. Ok, I know it’s a bit long and a little to dramatic, but this is a dream after all right? I didn’t managed to die jumping from 10th floor. When I jumped, somehow, I prayed and it works. So she was so mad and she jump down too and start using her super powers. I was afraid and I have is the word of God and faith only. Both of these eventually help me to overcome the fears and I even using the name of Jesus to do exorcist. Finally everything was over, and I asked her why she did that. She said she saw my brother was too suffering from pain, so she just took off the ventilation equipment. Suddenly, out of no where, miracle happened, my brother came alive and I was overwhelmed by God’s miracles. And that’s the end of the story. I woke up and my tears are falling off from my eyes.

Why at the first place I mentioned about my dream? There are few lessons for me from God. Firstly, God reminded me how much I need to care for my family and pray for them. Recently many things happened; I seldom spend time with my family. I need to do a little bit of catch up here. Secondly, God showed me in that dream how powerful is guilt and anger is. Guilt and anger is the strongest weapons for satan to use to attack mankind. Thirdly, being confidence of the power of God. Whenever you believe and Jesus said whenever you called unto His name, He surely will come down from heaven and give you a hand to help you.

One of the reason I believe I had this dream is because recently in Malaysia there’s too many of murder cases of little children. I know that’s not new, but every cases is getting more and more violent and serious. Many parents were very afraid about this. They are living in fear everyday that they afraid that something might happened to their beloved children. I really prayed that God will be with all of us, especially with those who are weak. May the Lord bless us all.

Updated already... ~ Yeah~

Finally, NO more EXAMS, NO more ASSIGNMENTS, and NO more revision, but only for last for only 2 months. But anyway, I'm glad that I've passed all these. I always thank God for His faithfulness. He's been always there for me whenever, I mean really whenever I needed Him. It's been long time didn't update my blog. Wait, let me check back when is the last blog I updated.. ~haha~ It's like 9 months ago.. --" In this 9 months, many things had happened to me.. Getting myself entered into a new relationship, I've finished 2 semester :P , many lessons I've learned through circumstances, and if I continue I think I won't be able to finish typing.. haha.. Anyway, two of the most happening events that I had for these past 9 months were, firstly of course entering into a new relationship. I am very thankful and very blessed to have such a supporting, loving, and caring soul mate (although sometimes kena nag abit :P). Without her supporting all the while, especially in the past few months, I believe that I would have gone through it much harder. Thank you dear..

Secondly, it’s almost equally significant; a band was formed. I was actually very excited about this. Even though we are not professional musicians and also not talented people, but we are very passionate about music. Actually, there are few people that changed my life entirely, firstly, of course it would be God, secondly it’s my cell leaders, thirdly my friends that cared for me, and lastly, by having a dream also made me changed my life. I think without them, I wouldn’t be who am I right now, for those who knows me previously and currently, they might noticed it.

Maybe one fine day I think should talk more about the band and my dream and also some problems I’m facing.. I’m very tired.. ~yawning~ now.. Good night..

Part time job - part two

So, it's part two because this morning I continue my work again and I thought yesterday was the first day and suppose to be my last day. But, who knows, shit happens again to me; it has been extended until this afternoon. So, early in the morning, have to start drilling again. This time I'm not so lucky. I injured my left hand due to that drill is too heavy. Sigh, I have no idea how am I going to serve this saturday. But somehow, it's done. I'm done for the day.

So, I was packing up my stuff and on my way to my car. And guess what, my car is almost cover all up with red ants on top of my car. I was wondering, why there's so many cars packed along side with me, but why only my car is full of red ants? Only one answer explain it all, Shit Happens.. Hmm, I start pondering whether or not it's a curse to me since after I put that symbol 'Shit Happens' in my car. Anyway, let's forget about it. So, my hand gets 'dirty' today. I killed lots of lots of ants.

Hopefully there's nothing to do with that symbol.. Hahaha.. It was gift from my beloved friend all the way from australia. If she read this, I think she's gonna be mad.. Sorry ya.. ;P i don't mean it..

Part time job?

Hmm, it's been a long while I didn't work outside. So yesterday one of my mom's friends gave me a call while I was still sleeping on my lovely bed. So he asked me whether I wanted to work for one day as a so called IT technician 'lar'. So since I've got nothing to do, I accepted that offer. On the other side I also can earn a little income for myself. So, today is the day. I woke up and wait for his call. Why? Because he didn't tell me anything about the work. Where to meet? Where to work? What time to meet? And what do to? He didn't tell me anything regard of this. So I waited for his call, and he called me again while I was still sleeping on my lovely bed again. He told me where to meet and what time then he hang up his phone. He didn't told me what car is he driving also.

So I just went there and hopefully I can recognize his face. So coincident when I arrived that place, an estima started to reverse and went pass by me. I can't really see clearly his face at that moment, I just knew that he's fat, and my mom's friend is fat. So I just followed that car. But, inside my heart telling me, "this isn't right man!" So I called my boss and asked him whether he's there already or not? Who knows he said haven't yet and the best part is, I waited him at the wrong place some more. Shit happens sometimes...

So, this shit haven't finished happening yet. As I mentioned above, I was called to be as an IT technician. So the task for the day is to set up those network cables for an office. And due to I've no experience on this, and guess what did I do for the day? Grill the wall man!! What the heck! My hand shakes non stop. Oh boy, I don't know how am I going to play guitar this week. My hand is as weak as a toufu now. Habislah. God, have mercy on me!

ps: haha, so it's drill not grill ya.. Too hungry at that moment, so thinking of grill something to eat.. hahaha..

satan's pride and my pride

I think now only I really understood why satan desired to be God so much. When there's something that you never had before and suddenly you have it, you will tend to use it if it's not for the correct purpose then you'll used it for the wrong purpose. When you have everything that you wanted and when everything seems to be pretty good, you'll tend to become forgetful that who is the one that actually provided all these things to you. Satan has this problem. He (an angel actually doesn't have any gender, so I refer him as a male) was an archangel that is in charge of worship in heaven. He's good looking, talented musician, gifted in music and leading worship, and he's basically good at everything. And all this, it's God who created him and given him so many talents, and yet, he rebelled against God because he thinks that "Since I had everything that I wanted and I have so many talents and power, why not I become God myself? So this is the problem about him. And this is the main reason why satan fall. When satan fall unto the earth, he uses the same trick again to make a trap for Adam and Eve. I believe everyone is familiar with this story. The serpent(satan) tempted Eve to eat that forbidden fruit by using the same old trick again which is pride. He said, "when you eat of it (the fruit) your eyes will be opened and YOU WILL BE LIKE GOD, knowing good and evil."

It's pretty much scary when you realized that you're getting there soon. Pride happens when the glory that suppose belong to God, instead of giving all the glory back to God, you keep it for yourself. This is what I personally found out just recently. How do I realized that? Because I'm the one that involved in it.

As for those people who knew me, they knew that I'm a new electric guitar player in my church. I started to picked up and learn electric guitar about half a year ago. I've improved a lot and most of the people said that I'm a fast learner and I did a pretty good job too. Well, I really thank God for what He had blessed me a talent of playing guitar, but there's where my pride comes in. Because of that, I came to realized that I started to keep little by little glory for myself instead of giving it all to God. Well, I admit that I'm still weak in this area and when I came to realized this, I felt down on my knees and pray for forgiveness. The main reason why satan fall is because of pride. I don't wish my pride causes me to stumble and fall.

At the beginning, I don't have anything and suddenly I had these skills. Firstly, I used it for correct purpose, I used it to serve God back in that area. I appreciate this gifts and I practice even harder to make myself improve more. But the problem with me is, after quite some time, my skills really improved, but I forget actually it was God that given me this talent. And I thought it's was 'I' that help myself to improve.

Recently God reminded me again what is the very first motive why I served Him? Why do I came every week to practice on Tuesday? Why do I attended service every Saturday/Sunday? It doesn't seems related to my problem, but then God reminded me about 'LOVE'. It's out of love that initiates me to served Him at very beginning. Paul said "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing." - 2 Corinthians 13:1-3

God reminded me again that serving Him doesn't have to be very knowledgable, doesn't have to be very experiences in certain areas, very well equipped in certain skills, all ever God wanted is a heart that willingly follow Him faithfully and a heart that love Him more than anything else. I'll learn this lesson and hopefully one day when I accomplish those lessons, I'll heard God saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said to Him humbly, "Here I am Lord. Send me!"