Updates*

Long time I have not update my blog since don’t know when. Few of my friends told me that “hey, go and update your blog la!”. Well, not that I don’t want to update my blog, just that somehow I’m out of topics and ideas of what to blog. Somehow, sometimes I do feel the urged to blog and what is stopping me to do that is sometimes I think if it is too personal, I don’t feel comfortable sharing it out. Well, anyway, here is some update about my current status.

For studies, this is already my final year and my final semester of my studies life. I will be graduating in September if nothing goes wrong and hopefully nothing will goes wrong. Sigh, the more I have to stay in college the more lazy I’ll get. This is already my final year and my final year project is killing me, yet I still do nothing about it. Somehow, I just don’t feel like doing it. Ya, I know I still have to do it anyway, but the constant struggle in me is really killing me. All the while, I’ve been very grateful to God because He’s grace is really sufficient for me. Throughout my whole college life till now, I’ve never failed before in any of my subjects. Thank God for that.. But for this time, I’m not so sure anymore, It’s not that God don’t want to bless me, it’s my own laziness will cause me to failed. I seriously need to deal with this for the last time in my college life.

For relationship, well long distance relationship is really not fun to play at all. Btw, fyi, my the other half is in KK now for those who still doesn’t know. It’s has been more than a month we are in long distance relationship. It’s really tough for me cuz this is the first time I’m having such a relationship. I’m a person who doesn’t like to talk on the phone and for now that’s the only tool we have to communicate with one another. I felt constant struggle also but not always the case of course. Sometimes I feel very excited to talked to her on the phone, but sometimes, I just feel don’t. But communication is essential for both of us, so no matter how I don’t wish to talk on the phone also I have to.

For my band, haiy, somehow, it doesn’t seems to work out that well after all. Originally there was 4 of us, that’s why we named ourselves as UNITED4. Huh, I almost forget what we named ourselves. But now the current band members left me and my drummer. I still remember that why we named this is because we wanted to be united among our members and also united for something else like for Christ. But somehow, the name doesn’t really suit the band cuz we aren’t united. I am still preparing myself for a day that I will have my own band and also my own album. But this seems to be still quite far away from me. Sometimes, I tend to give up, but I don’t want to just give up like that. I wanted to achieved something that I loved the most. There is only one life, and I wanted to live it well and I don’t want to leave any regrets when I look back the past in future telling myself that “I should have done this long time ago”. I pray that God will guide.

For my spiritual growth, this is even worst. Maybe I have been too busy being a Martha that I totally forget about being Mary. I worked and worked and worked, and I totally despite the Lord. Is ironic is it? Doing God’s work without involving God in it? Recently I don’t feel God like how I used to feel long time ago, and I knew that I have a problem, it’s me. I feel like I’m walking not towards God, but away from God. I need to get back to God agian. I believe that this is the very reason why my life is in a mess right now. My relationship with God is not right. When the relationship with God is not right, everything else seems to be not right. I didn’t not recieved His guidance, His steps and His planning for me. I did not plan any of my plans also. I just turn my auto-pilot function on.

These constant struggle I feel like is another whole new level to me. Like what my pastor had preached the other day, the israelites(me) is focusing on the struggles that they are facing, but God focus on the opportunities to growth through suffering. God has been always good, always.. It is through suffering that we know that are many things we can’t handle it ourselves, especially our lives. I can’t even assure what will happened on the next second. The only I think I can really do now is to wait upon the Lord, and my strength will rises, to know His power in quietness and trust. Then when the ocean rise and thunder storms in life, I will soar with Him like an eagle above the storms.

The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth.

He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding.

He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.

Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall.

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.

They will soar high on wings like eagles.

They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

(Isaiah 40:28-31)