Friday, November 17, 2006

--= Struggling =--

Do you have? I mean struggling?
Recently, I really strrugle a lot. Struggle to wake up early in the morning and causes me sometimes missed classes; struggle to start assignments on time and procastinate so much and causes me to suffer at the end; struggle to do good and show mercy and causes someone to fall; struggle over my sins and of course, causes me to fall as well; struggle to read bible; struggle to be myself and be honest; struggle to sleep early because I'm having insomnia and causes me to wake up late every morning; struggle not to argue with gf; struggle to keep my budget; and more. But the most of all, struggling to let GO...
She will be leaving next tuesday, but yet, we still having conflict and arguements. I really don't wish the ending is like that. After break up, we will not talk to each other agian. This is normally what happened when couples break up because of arguement. The reason we break up is because she's had to go back to indonesia, it's not because that we argue then we break up. Many times, I really wish she could just stay here and work here. But then, when I think of her father and her family, I can't just be so selfish. I can't ask her to stay here and live happily ever after with me and leave her family at her hometown. I can't do it.
You give and take away,
You give and take away,
My heart still choose to say,
Lord blessed be Your name. -by Chris Tomlin-
It's a song that sang by Chris Tomlin. It's easy to sing it when everything is smooth, not when everything goes wrong, especially giving up for the things/person that you loved the most. I'm scared, really scare. I'm afraid that I can't sustain it, I'm afraid that the emptiness will overwhelmed me. I have thank God that He put a lot of friends surrounding me to support me even way before I break up. I really thank God for them. Somehow I wanted to say sorry to them as well, cause many times I failed them by not telling them honestly about my feelings.
I'm sorry ya guys.. I will do better next time..

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