Cry on my shoulder

Walao, another sleepless night.. Damn you Assignment.. and damn you Danny because you're lazy bump.. But if I didn't not stay up until so late, I will never had a chance to found this song. This song, some how comforts me a lot, like really a LOT.. This is also for you Jenny.. :)


Cry on my shoulder:

If the hero never comes to you

If you need someone, you’re feeling blue

If you wait for love, and you’re alone

If you call your friends, nobody’s home

You can run away, but you can’t hide

Through a storm and

through a lonely night

Then I’ll show you, there’s a destiny

The best things in life, they are free

Chorus:

But if you wanna cry

Cry on my shoulder

If you need someone

Who cares for you

If you’re feeling sad

Your hearts gets colder

Yes i show you what real love can do

If your sky is grey Oh let me know

There’s a place in heaven, where we’ll go

If heaven is a million years away

Oh just call me and I’ll make your day

When the nights are

getting cold and blue

When the days are getting hard for you

I will always stay by your side

I promise you, I’ll never hide

*Chorus

This song is just so wonderful.. I hope the lyrics will encourage you..

If you are curious how does it sounds like with melodies..
http://youtube.com/watch?v=DSrp8ZUl5Pc&feature=related

or... watch it down here... hehe.. enjoy the song..

The greatest Gifts..

It’s been very long I did not update my blog. Last weekend till now, I had many bad experiences. My secondary school friends got married and not only I have to give “gifts” to him, but at the same time also, I got a gift from uncle police. It’s a long story.. But nevertheless, it’s my fault too. Then at the same night, my phone suddenly got hang, then after I turn off the phone and on it back again, suddenly, my phone only appears white screen. I had no idea how did it happened, but it just did. Well, I can’t view any of my messages, I can only received calls. Then today is my assignment due date and yet I screwed up my assignment. I spent the whole day to complete my assignment before 7. I finished up at 6.15pm, but who knows, I did not save the document. I don’t know why either, I remember pressing CTRL+S for many times already, but when I wanted to open the document to re-check again, it appears nothing, what I’ve done previously all did not get saved. But I thank God I managed to finish up before time although the points are not complete.

There are many reasons I can thank God for, but among so many things that He gave me, I believe the most precious gifts from Him was, Jesus Himself. Salvation that He gave it me for free cost His lives to be hangs on the cross. There is none gifts that are greater than this. The second most precious gift that He gave me was my girl friend.

This is my girlfriend, lovely isn’t she?

I always like to tease her, we have been communicating like that since we’re friends. Actually one of my hobbies is to tease. To be able to share my life with her is a blessing to me, we’ve gone through much although we’ve just been together only for a year. But we know each other almost 3 years before we get along together. This is what I dream of for my relationship, to start with being a friend first. We got along closer and closer and eventually both of us also fall for each other without both of our realization.

During in the relationship, we been through tough time together, “It get even tough when she’s emotional!” Haha, but even through that, we solved the problems together. I used to run away from her when both of us are in the bad mood because of arguments, but she taught me not too, so I listened to her and I changed slowly, and now I’m not running anymore from her. That is what I’ve learned and I will use it always in many areas of my life. I wish that I could always be around her when she’s sad, and she always seems to be strong in front of other people, but she’s actually quite not. She had too, because she doesn’t want people that are close to her feel bad. She cared about other people’s feeling too much that she would rather swallow it herself, even though when she was being misunderstood. I also wish that I could be by her side to cheer her up and makes her happy always. But unfortunately, what I fear the most it’s finally happening to me. She had to leave because of work. She’s going to enter full time to be a church worker soon and she’s going very soon. She will be sent to KK to do her training there. I knew this day would come, I’ve tried my best to encourage her but yet my tears drops when I saw her tears falling from her eyes. I knew that what is the purpose that God sent her away, I understand it very well. But though I understand, my heart feels so pain but I don’t wish to share this burden to anyone. She has been with me all the while, whatever we do we do it together, but when I start thinking that she’s not with me, it really breaks my heart. There’s nothing I can do, what I can is to write on the blog, cause I knew people won’t visit my blog cause’ I’ve stop writing for a long period. I really thank God for giving me such a wonderful partner. There is nothing more I could ever want than both You and her..

God, I knew the reason You are sending her away, keep me strong Father. No matter what, I still trust, no matter what..

What makes me different?

Recently this question keep prompting in my mind and makes me can't stop thinking of it. What makes me different? Seriously I don't know. Ya, Christians were called to be different, I am christian but am I really different from others? Jesus said that we are called to be the salt of the world and also light of the world. But do I really am? Or any chances close to that?

Today I went shopping alone, somehow I realized that I am nothing different from anyone else on the street, even in my class. I'm not as hardworking as those who really dumped in everything just to get A, I'm not as smart as those top student, and as conclusion, I'm not outstanding student/people. So how am I going to show to other people that who really Jesus is.

My new semester just started and this is my final year, I prayed that I can do something that make God feel proud of me.

Our band had actually existed for 9 months, and recently God finally show His way to our band. Finally we've sort out many things that we previously not. Thank God and by God's grace we are able to went through that stage. Now another challenge is waiting ahead. The challenge of relationship between all the band members. The band have gone through alot and hoping that one day, this band will make a great impact to the local churches even reached out the society. Hopefully this will go somewhere, at least somewhere..

Weird, very weird..

I just had a very weirdest dream ever. Somehow it’s not really a weird dream, but I don’t what other words can be replaced other than weird. So it’s 6 in the morning and I just slept for only 3 hours and yet I’m very awake, so I decided to blog the dream I had.

Actually before the dream started, I had my devotion and do a little bit of bible study and I usually will pray a prayer that the Lord will speaks to me whenever I read His words. But just now, I prayed a prayer that I never pray before, I prayed that may His word of revelation will reveal to me. I always wonder how did God taught His disciples especially in the days of Abraham till the day that Jesus was born. Well, I found out that there’s few; (1) the Lord spoke to them directly, or (2) through dreams. So, here is my dream.

The dream is about my family. I had 2 brothers in reality, but this dream is about my youngest brother. So I believe its Sunday in the dream, cuz I bring my whole family out for shopping. So before we started shopping we decided to put down my brother to one of the care centers that the shopping complex provided. Just before we put them down, he accidentally knock his head on the table and bleed. The reason is because there’s a nail on the table. Everyone was nervous, but no one take any actions, so I carried my brother and run like a mad person to find clinics in shopping complex, but there’s none. Oh ya, to make the dream more dramatically, in reality I love my youngest brother a lot. So you can imagine how desperate I was in my dream to save him.

The story continued, so I managed to found a clinic at last, but it was an old clinic and they told me that they needed certain equipments if need to do an operation. So I ran all over the place and search what the doctor needs. After I bought all the stuff, I was too late, my brother died because out of breath. I cried and sober for the whole dream after that incident. Guilt are added more and more to myself because I thought it was me that cause him for his death because I was too late to pass the things that the doctor needed. I cried and I cried and I cried non stop. But later I heard news that my brother was actually being murdered. The ventilation equipment was being pulled out that cause my brother’s death. I saw a knife and I ran all over the place with that knife, even if my family and my friends stopped me, I ran and hide from them and I search for the murderer personally.

At the end before I managed to found that murderer, one of my best friends met me and talk to me. She told me that I needed freedom; freedom from guilt and anger. She offers me a prayer and right after the prayer I begin to feel better and I went back to the clinic and see my brother for the last time. When I reached there, I forgot how I knew that somehow that was the murderer. Suddenly my anger came back and I wanted to capture her, but somehow she’s very strong even she’s has super powers, very much like she was demon possessed.

I ran away from her and at a point I have to jump off from a building. Ok, I know it’s a bit long and a little to dramatic, but this is a dream after all right? I didn’t managed to die jumping from 10th floor. When I jumped, somehow, I prayed and it works. So she was so mad and she jump down too and start using her super powers. I was afraid and I have is the word of God and faith only. Both of these eventually help me to overcome the fears and I even using the name of Jesus to do exorcist. Finally everything was over, and I asked her why she did that. She said she saw my brother was too suffering from pain, so she just took off the ventilation equipment. Suddenly, out of no where, miracle happened, my brother came alive and I was overwhelmed by God’s miracles. And that’s the end of the story. I woke up and my tears are falling off from my eyes.

Why at the first place I mentioned about my dream? There are few lessons for me from God. Firstly, God reminded me how much I need to care for my family and pray for them. Recently many things happened; I seldom spend time with my family. I need to do a little bit of catch up here. Secondly, God showed me in that dream how powerful is guilt and anger is. Guilt and anger is the strongest weapons for satan to use to attack mankind. Thirdly, being confidence of the power of God. Whenever you believe and Jesus said whenever you called unto His name, He surely will come down from heaven and give you a hand to help you.

One of the reason I believe I had this dream is because recently in Malaysia there’s too many of murder cases of little children. I know that’s not new, but every cases is getting more and more violent and serious. Many parents were very afraid about this. They are living in fear everyday that they afraid that something might happened to their beloved children. I really prayed that God will be with all of us, especially with those who are weak. May the Lord bless us all.

Updated already... ~ Yeah~

Finally, NO more EXAMS, NO more ASSIGNMENTS, and NO more revision, but only for last for only 2 months. But anyway, I'm glad that I've passed all these. I always thank God for His faithfulness. He's been always there for me whenever, I mean really whenever I needed Him. It's been long time didn't update my blog. Wait, let me check back when is the last blog I updated.. ~haha~ It's like 9 months ago.. --" In this 9 months, many things had happened to me.. Getting myself entered into a new relationship, I've finished 2 semester :P , many lessons I've learned through circumstances, and if I continue I think I won't be able to finish typing.. haha.. Anyway, two of the most happening events that I had for these past 9 months were, firstly of course entering into a new relationship. I am very thankful and very blessed to have such a supporting, loving, and caring soul mate (although sometimes kena nag abit :P). Without her supporting all the while, especially in the past few months, I believe that I would have gone through it much harder. Thank you dear..

Secondly, it’s almost equally significant; a band was formed. I was actually very excited about this. Even though we are not professional musicians and also not talented people, but we are very passionate about music. Actually, there are few people that changed my life entirely, firstly, of course it would be God, secondly it’s my cell leaders, thirdly my friends that cared for me, and lastly, by having a dream also made me changed my life. I think without them, I wouldn’t be who am I right now, for those who knows me previously and currently, they might noticed it.

Maybe one fine day I think should talk more about the band and my dream and also some problems I’m facing.. I’m very tired.. ~yawning~ now.. Good night..

Part time job - part two

So, it's part two because this morning I continue my work again and I thought yesterday was the first day and suppose to be my last day. But, who knows, shit happens again to me; it has been extended until this afternoon. So, early in the morning, have to start drilling again. This time I'm not so lucky. I injured my left hand due to that drill is too heavy. Sigh, I have no idea how am I going to serve this saturday. But somehow, it's done. I'm done for the day.

So, I was packing up my stuff and on my way to my car. And guess what, my car is almost cover all up with red ants on top of my car. I was wondering, why there's so many cars packed along side with me, but why only my car is full of red ants? Only one answer explain it all, Shit Happens.. Hmm, I start pondering whether or not it's a curse to me since after I put that symbol 'Shit Happens' in my car. Anyway, let's forget about it. So, my hand gets 'dirty' today. I killed lots of lots of ants.

Hopefully there's nothing to do with that symbol.. Hahaha.. It was gift from my beloved friend all the way from australia. If she read this, I think she's gonna be mad.. Sorry ya.. ;P i don't mean it..

Part time job?

Hmm, it's been a long while I didn't work outside. So yesterday one of my mom's friends gave me a call while I was still sleeping on my lovely bed. So he asked me whether I wanted to work for one day as a so called IT technician 'lar'. So since I've got nothing to do, I accepted that offer. On the other side I also can earn a little income for myself. So, today is the day. I woke up and wait for his call. Why? Because he didn't tell me anything about the work. Where to meet? Where to work? What time to meet? And what do to? He didn't tell me anything regard of this. So I waited for his call, and he called me again while I was still sleeping on my lovely bed again. He told me where to meet and what time then he hang up his phone. He didn't told me what car is he driving also.

So I just went there and hopefully I can recognize his face. So coincident when I arrived that place, an estima started to reverse and went pass by me. I can't really see clearly his face at that moment, I just knew that he's fat, and my mom's friend is fat. So I just followed that car. But, inside my heart telling me, "this isn't right man!" So I called my boss and asked him whether he's there already or not? Who knows he said haven't yet and the best part is, I waited him at the wrong place some more. Shit happens sometimes...

So, this shit haven't finished happening yet. As I mentioned above, I was called to be as an IT technician. So the task for the day is to set up those network cables for an office. And due to I've no experience on this, and guess what did I do for the day? Grill the wall man!! What the heck! My hand shakes non stop. Oh boy, I don't know how am I going to play guitar this week. My hand is as weak as a toufu now. Habislah. God, have mercy on me!

ps: haha, so it's drill not grill ya.. Too hungry at that moment, so thinking of grill something to eat.. hahaha..

satan's pride and my pride

I think now only I really understood why satan desired to be God so much. When there's something that you never had before and suddenly you have it, you will tend to use it if it's not for the correct purpose then you'll used it for the wrong purpose. When you have everything that you wanted and when everything seems to be pretty good, you'll tend to become forgetful that who is the one that actually provided all these things to you. Satan has this problem. He (an angel actually doesn't have any gender, so I refer him as a male) was an archangel that is in charge of worship in heaven. He's good looking, talented musician, gifted in music and leading worship, and he's basically good at everything. And all this, it's God who created him and given him so many talents, and yet, he rebelled against God because he thinks that "Since I had everything that I wanted and I have so many talents and power, why not I become God myself? So this is the problem about him. And this is the main reason why satan fall. When satan fall unto the earth, he uses the same trick again to make a trap for Adam and Eve. I believe everyone is familiar with this story. The serpent(satan) tempted Eve to eat that forbidden fruit by using the same old trick again which is pride. He said, "when you eat of it (the fruit) your eyes will be opened and YOU WILL BE LIKE GOD, knowing good and evil."

It's pretty much scary when you realized that you're getting there soon. Pride happens when the glory that suppose belong to God, instead of giving all the glory back to God, you keep it for yourself. This is what I personally found out just recently. How do I realized that? Because I'm the one that involved in it.

As for those people who knew me, they knew that I'm a new electric guitar player in my church. I started to picked up and learn electric guitar about half a year ago. I've improved a lot and most of the people said that I'm a fast learner and I did a pretty good job too. Well, I really thank God for what He had blessed me a talent of playing guitar, but there's where my pride comes in. Because of that, I came to realized that I started to keep little by little glory for myself instead of giving it all to God. Well, I admit that I'm still weak in this area and when I came to realized this, I felt down on my knees and pray for forgiveness. The main reason why satan fall is because of pride. I don't wish my pride causes me to stumble and fall.

At the beginning, I don't have anything and suddenly I had these skills. Firstly, I used it for correct purpose, I used it to serve God back in that area. I appreciate this gifts and I practice even harder to make myself improve more. But the problem with me is, after quite some time, my skills really improved, but I forget actually it was God that given me this talent. And I thought it's was 'I' that help myself to improve.

Recently God reminded me again what is the very first motive why I served Him? Why do I came every week to practice on Tuesday? Why do I attended service every Saturday/Sunday? It doesn't seems related to my problem, but then God reminded me about 'LOVE'. It's out of love that initiates me to served Him at very beginning. Paul said "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing." - 2 Corinthians 13:1-3

God reminded me again that serving Him doesn't have to be very knowledgable, doesn't have to be very experiences in certain areas, very well equipped in certain skills, all ever God wanted is a heart that willingly follow Him faithfully and a heart that love Him more than anything else. I'll learn this lesson and hopefully one day when I accomplish those lessons, I'll heard God saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said to Him humbly, "Here I am Lord. Send me!"

- Lonely Christmas -

It's been a while that I didn't update my blog. I was just being reminded of my friend that I didn't blog for quite some time already. Well, just to update update a bit lar.. Hmm, it's been 29 days that I seperate with my ex-gf.. Gosh, it's only 29 days and I felt like i was already for few months.. It's so tough and difficult to letting go of it; but still have to let go.. Just last week, my church has just celebrated an early christmas celebration. We had a great party at that evening. Everyone was having fun playing games and singing some caroling songs.. I was having fun too on the stage playing guitar.. But right after the end of the party, I wasn't feeling what suppose to feel after party.. Instead of being excited, I feel lonely.. That night, I don't have mood to talk nor smile. I withdraw myself from them.. I choosed to sit alone and pray..

Lots of lots of flash back keep appearing in my mind when I was still with her. I still remember how we started, what are the movies that we first watched together, where do we usually hang out, what do we usually do.. all these, keep appearing so fresh in my mind. I still can't really accept the fact that we had already broke up.. Sometimes, unconciously i still calling her dear dear in my message and mail.. That was what I usually call her.. I still can't really get used to it yet.. Sigh, somehow, needed more time..

Really hoping that this period of mourning will end fast, but at the same time, if this mourning season has passed, i might possibly recovered and I wouldn't need her as I do now.. Then what should I do? I don't wish to let her go, but at the same time, i need to move on also.. it's so complicated..

- The streets of memories -

Well, today is the first day she leave my side. This morning I woke up, I felt emptiness. Someone that I long to see every morning is not here anymore, not by my side anymore. It's a emotional morning for me. Then follow up by accompanying my friend to the shopping complex after my class. That shopping complex is where we always visit. We watched movies there, we shop there, we eat there, we date there, we argue there, and we settle the arguement there. I still remember that the first movie both of us watch together is "The Lake House" and the last movie was "Happy Feet". Today I accompany my friend to buy something that he wanted to buy. Along the way, some sort of flash back came into my mind when I passed by every shop that we went together before.

The shop that we buy clothes together, the shop that we eat together, the cinema that we watch together, all came into my mind. Indeed, my tears almost drop. It's difficult. Is really difficult. I just wish that I can meet her again. I really miss her a lot.

- Another chapter of life has past -

Today it's a very special day. My love one had finally went back to where she's belong; indonesia. She took a cab this morning to the airport, but before that, few of her friends were there at her place to have some sort of sending her off to airport before she leave us. Each and everyone of her friends cried, that of course included me. I believe that none of us wanted to cry and carry a burden heart, but it was so difficult to hold the tears from falling down from your eyes. It is so difficult to say goodbye to the one that you have always loved and now; she's not around anymore. I was looking at her back getting further and further from my sight. I just wish that I could just stop her going up to the cab and of course, stopping her getting up the plane.

It's exactly 3 months and 21 days. Is just like a dream in this 3 months plus, a very sweet dream. But unfortunately, I was being awaken from this dream and I would never able to dream the same dream again anymore. I long for that dream to come again, but it will never happen. Well this is reality and welcome to the "real world" guys.

When she's gone, suddenly there's a flash back on every scene when both of us together. Sweet ones, and not so sweet ones. Everything happened in this 3 months. Some people said that 3 months is the sweetest moment in starting a relationship. Some people called it honeymoon before marriage. But it seems doesn't apply to me.

Hmm, another chapter had past, but there's lot more to go. I would just have to stand up again like what I've used to do when I was a kid when I fall down. Failure will only makes you become stronger if you've learned your lesson. Failure never meant to pull you down, it only happened if you give up. I think I'm not giving up myself. I'll stand up again.

--= Struggling =--

Do you have? I mean struggling?

Recently, I really strrugle a lot. Struggle to wake up early in the morning and causes me sometimes missed classes; struggle to start assignments on time and procastinate so much and causes me to suffer at the end; struggle to do good and show mercy and causes someone to fall; struggle over my sins and of course, causes me to fall as well; struggle to read bible; struggle to be myself and be honest; struggle to sleep early because I'm having insomnia and causes me to wake up late every morning; struggle not to argue with gf; struggle to keep my budget; and more. But the most of all, struggling to let GO...

She will be leaving next tuesday, but yet, we still having conflict and arguements. I really don't wish the ending is like that. After break up, we will not talk to each other agian. This is normally what happened when couples break up because of arguement. The reason we break up is because she's had to go back to indonesia, it's not because that we argue then we break up. Many times, I really wish she could just stay here and work here. But then, when I think of her father and her family, I can't just be so selfish. I can't ask her to stay here and live happily ever after with me and leave her family at her hometown. I can't do it.

You give and take away,

You give and take away,

My heart still choose to say,

Lord blessed be Your name. -by Chris Tomlin-

It's a song that sang by Chris Tomlin. It's easy to sing it when everything is smooth, not when everything goes wrong, especially giving up for the things/person that you loved the most. I'm scared, really scare. I'm afraid that I can't sustain it, I'm afraid that the emptiness will overwhelmed me. I have thank God that He put a lot of friends surrounding me to support me even way before I break up. I really thank God for them. Somehow I wanted to say sorry to them as well, cause many times I failed them by not telling them honestly about my feelings.

I'm sorry ya guys.. I will do better next time..

Goodbye?

One of my friends from indonesia finally went back to her hometown this afternoon. Even though we're not really close, but then, still there's burden in my heart saying these words of repetition, "Bye Bye". Our friendship it's just only for 3-4 months and there's already a burden saying goodbye, what else, when my girlfriend is going back to her hometown as well. I really can't imagine to say goodbye to a person that I always care for, a person that meant alot to me. Finally, she had decided to go back to her hometown for good. Of course she didn't decided on the spot and just purchased the ticket and go back. She has been struggling over this matter for quite some time, and finally...

I really hate saying goodbye, suddenly it doesn't feel good saying this word. For me, it's like a seperation, and I don't like that. It is so difficult to build a strong relationship, no matter it's a normal friend, or good friend, or partner, somehow it's so burden when I think that we can't meet anymore for a very long period of time.

Maybe it's really God's planning. Everything has been planned since the very beginning of my life that I have to go through this stage. Some might think that it is not fair or maybe it's such a waste.. Well, what can I do? There's nothing I can do except to follow the will of God in my life, believing that His plan is the best for me. Sometimes, it is so easy to say, "Ok God, I trust You". But the matter of fact is, maybe you're not really trusting Him wholeheartedly, or maybe even not trusting Him at all. I myself is going through this stage now, I said many times, "I believe in Your perfect planning and timing, all these hurts and pains is for my own good". But most of the time, I mourn and grief.

Over these past 2 years and 7 months I've accepted Christ, I've not been stopping from getting hurts, pains, suffering, and troubles. It seems like they are my best friends, so faithfully following me every stage I grew up in Christ. But when I think it over and over again, if God doesn't allowed these things to happened to me, I'm 100% sure that I can't be what I am now. For those who knew me past 2 years ago, they saw changes in me.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2-4)

I really can't denied that the bible is true. If I would just say, "Ok, that's it. You go your way and I go my way". For sure, forever I'll running from troubles all of my life. I faced it, and I've changed to a better person.

You'll be supprise that God can change people anytime. By this post itself, God changed me. I started off to write something very negetive, but then, I ended up wrote something to encourage myself. It's really amazing...

"The Room"

I came across this e-mail that one of my friends sent to me. Usually I won't read it if the message is too long, but not this time. Hope you enjoy reading it.

Here is the e-mail I've copied:
You know sometimes when you are in a hurry, you don't have time to read emails that friends and family send to you, so you just close it and think to yourself that you will read them later, but then you never get around to it? Read this email. Don't close. I don't care if you forward it on or delete it afterwards - just read it.

It's about an essay written by a teenage boy called "The Room". I hate the thought of what my file room will look like. May you be as moved and blessed as I was when I read it. Thanks for letting me share it with you. 17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write something for a class. The subject was what Heaven was like. "I wowed 'em," he later told his father, Bruce. "It's the best thing I ever wrote..." It also was the last. Brian's parents had forgotten about the essay when a cousin found it while cleaning out the teenager's locker at Teary Valley High School.

Brian had been dead only hours, but his parents desperately wanted every piece of his life near them - notes from classmates and teachers, his homework. Only two months before, he had handwritten the essay about encountering Jesus in a file room full of cards detailing every moment of the teen's life. But it was only after Brian's death that Beth and Bruce Moore realized that their son had described his view of heaven. "It makes such an impact that people want to share it. You feel like you are there. "Mr. Moore said. Brian Moore died May 27, 1997. He was driving home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road in Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted.
The Moores framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it among the family portraits in the living room. "I think God used him to make a point. I think we were meant to find it and make something out of it," Mrs. Moore said of the essay. She and her husband want to share their son's vision of life after death. "I'm happy for Brian. I know he's in heaven. I know I'll see him." Brian's Essay:

The Room In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I have liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have betrayed." The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird

Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I have Given," "Jokes I Have laughed at." Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've yelled at my brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger", "Things I Have Muttered under My Breath at My Parents." I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked "TV Shows I have watched", I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.
When I came to a file marked Lustful "Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With."

The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained? With one hand (I could count them all). And then the tears came. I began to weep. (Weep that turn into Sobs). Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes.

Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me. Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. "No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red, so rich, so dark, (and) so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished." I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.



"For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."- John 3:16


Hmm, what do you think about Jesus doing such a thing? Honestly, I'm very touched by this e-mail.. I hope you too, God bless you.

One package?

Season of evangelism comes with spiritual attack? Hmm, does this every time come like a package or something? Well, the fact is, it's well known that it's true and it's expected to happened everytime when there's a evangelism programs going on in any churches. Spiritual attack, within Christianity, is a term used to describe the belief that the Devil deliberately using supernatural powers to discourage the targetted Christian from their belief in God. Such attacks can come in many forms, all of which can have a lasting, even permanent, detrimental effect on the recipient's religious life. Spiritual attacks can include possession, fear of holy objects, such as bibles or other holy books, and in many other ways (sources from wikipedia.com). It has been happening for many years, when a church runs any program or events to evangelise, surely, something weird will happened; and I personally experienced such a thing during this season. May I proudly to share this story about "A summon from one hazzy night".

Well, the story goes like this, just like one odinary night after alpha course, I went out with my "friend" to find the exact location where she's going to interview tommorrow morning. So thank God, we successfully found that place. Just right after we found that place, a police car stopped us because they found us very suspicious. So have to do normal procedures as usual lor, "Matikan enjin, tunjuk Lesen dan IC please". Well, the policeman was being nice by asking please with a pleasant tone, so I decided to give him (well, do I sound like I have any option?). So he check my IC and license, then he found out that my license expired, then of course at once I show him my renew license, but then, sometimes shit happens; I don't know how it happened that my renewed license was lost. I searched all over my wallet, my car, my beg, and even my friend's bag. I can't find it. I was quite confident that the license is with me, but still, I failed to show them my renew license. And due to that, I was being issued a summon.

At that time, I thought that I might accidently left it in my "friend" house. So, I decided to go to look for it tommorrow. So, skip a chapter to the next scene. Then here it goes, I reached my friend's place already, then in order to go into the place, I need to take my license to exchange the visitor plat. Here is the climax of the story, I FOUND MY LICENSE INSIDE MY WALLET. It's really impossible that I can't see it if my license was there in the beginning in my wallet. Because of this, somehow, I've did a charity to donate money to government. So, what to do you think? It's a human error or spiritual attack? Believe or not? Believe it!