Thank God for being a peacemaker..

..Now this is what I called share group..

..We argued and we forgive..

...And Rick do looks like Garfield.. 

Hahaha

Oh ya, have I not mentioned that I moved out and I finally have my own room right now! Yeah!! Although, I've moved out since month, but nevertheless, YEAH!!

For the past 2 months..

Ok ok, I'll get it.. I updated already..

Ya, it's by through nagging and scolding that I finally updated my blog. Hahaha.. Been very busy in these few months, that's why I'm not in the mood to blog. Everyday when I reached home what was in my mind was to sleep.. Hahaha.. Anyway, here's a little update about myself..

For the past 2 months:

I started working already lu.. At a moment I pause for a while to think, I no longer can have the student's privillege already. Sigh.. No more RM7 for movie, no more cheap haircut, no more discounted price for food, and many other things. I missed those things.. If victor would have read this, I'm pretty sure that that feller sure be proud that he's a student now and definitely saysomething that will make me give him a one kind look. I wonder why I would thought of it that way, but that's the way it is now.. Hahaha.. 

And I'm currently working at church now. Everyday I found it happy because you know, it's church.. Where else could I be anymore happier to be able to work at church. I've been spending most of my time in the church during the past 3-4 years to help out in the ministries. And now, I'm actually being paid what I've been doing for the past 3-4 years ago, the only different is there's more to do now lah.. I really don't know what my direction will be if I'm not working in church. But well, most probably I'm working in Bentley Music now I perhaps because that's my dream to pursue my career in music industry. On monday I met a new friend working in Bentley and what a small world. He's from KK and we had alot of things in common; that makes us easily to be click with one another. He's actually living in my dream. He studied business previously and now he's taking professional music classes for and pursued his career in music industry. But either way, I'm glad that I choosed the way that God wanted me, not the way that I wanted for myself. 

A little bit stuff from my work. Currently whatever Desmond is doing previously, yup, I'm taking over. Man, it's not easy Des.. I can't planned things ahead and I was forced to make decisions at the very last minute. Oh, by the way, I am in-charge of transportation for the church and as well as "the entertainer" or the "PR" or whatever la.. Now the challenges bar has been raised to a higher level. The challenges faced nowadays it's even hard to tackle. It's not as easy as it was before. More responsibilities added in ministries. All church ministries is all about dealing with people. The more responsibilities was added, the more I need to be able to communicate well and having said that, it seems that so far I'm not doing a good job in this area. It's hard and it's tough. But I'm not giving up.. Another mountain I need to conquer..

There's a saying, "If the mountain is smooth, you can't climb it"..

Communication breakdown

One of so many reasons why people argued is because of miscommunication. All the while I thought my communication skills was ok, but now, after thinking over and over again, nah, I'm not really good at communicating. Communicating not only involved talking but also involved listening. The matter of fact, I suck. There are many times the original meaning of the message seemingly gotten wrong by other people and vice versa. Because of this, I suffered sometimes of wanting to tell other stuff and sometimes, I failed to do so because I fear. Effective communication is hard but still I have to learn..

The dirty word I learned..

Today, I had a very rough day.. Things just doesn't seems right.. Maybe it's time to evaluate myself again..

Recently I learned a dirty word especially in this generation which is "responsibilities". Not everyone likes to carry responsibilities around on their shoulder. Some pushed it away, some ignored it and some even don't care want to find out what is the meaning of responsibilities. I've always thought that I understood this word quite well, but in recent few incidents make me doubt about it. I admit that I've not done well in some area of my life but believe me, I've tried.. Maybe due to my own weaknesses, it seems like I can't be consistent. The book of Daniel has been always my hardest book to digest because Daniel has such integrity and consistency that he do really deserved to be one of the greatest man during the time of babylon. He resolved not to defiled himself with the royal food and wine, he did not bow down to the idols, he did not refuse to pray 3 times a day even an order has been given from the king not to bow down to any other gods or man except the king and many more. Even the administrators tried to find faults in him but they found none. The key word I believe what was describing Daniel is "exceptional qualities". Daniel did everything that he was called to do even if the workload is light or heavy. He still delivered a exceptional qualities work.

Exceptional qualities... This is hard, but still have to learn.. 

Some guy name Vincent something said this:

"If you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the problem. The key to success is responsibilities."

With great power comes from great responsibilities.. Familiar right? The more I pondered it, the more I find it very true.. 

An E-mail..

I just finished my dinner and I wanted to check my hotmail account and wanted to clear out all my junk mail and my read mail. So I came across this mail and the content of that e-mail, melted my heart and both my eyes started to sparkling and the next moment I knew, my tears already flowing down from my cheek. How can I ever hold my tears from the Father's love that is so wonderful and compassion to all of us.. I hope you enjoy the video..

Father's Love..

A son asked his father, 'Dad, will you take part in a marathon with me?' The father who, despite having a heart condition, says 'Yes'. They went on to complete the marathon together. Father and son went on to join other marathons, the father always saying 'Yes' to his son's request of going through the race together. One day, the son asked his father, 'Dad, let's join the Ironman together.'

To which, his father said 'Yes' .

For those who don't know, Ironman is the toughest triathlon ever. The race encompasses three endurance events of a 2.4 mile (3.86 kilometer) ocean swim, followed by a 112 mile (180.2 kilometer) bike ride, and ending with a 26.2 mile (42.195 kilometer) marathon along the coast of the BigIsland.

If our earthly father can love us that much, think about our Heavenly Father. In extend that, He gave His one and only Son not only for those who believe in Him, but also to those who do not believe in Him.. 

I talked..

Man, I really can't believe that I've talked almost up to 14 hours with peoples in a single day. That would have break my all talking records in my 23 years of my life. I wasn't realized until I counted yesterday during my dinner time. This is what happened to me on my first day of work.

Well the first day.. I was outside from 9 a.m. till 2 a.m.. Morning got wedding and I did some chairs arrangement and help to "sapu" some stuff, hehe, the food I mean.. Hahaha.. Right after my "sapu-ing" stuff, then I was told that the 2 speakers can't work and we found out that the pre-amp... "hang kang".. So I switched the pre-amp and once I lift it up, OH MAN THIS IS SO HEAVY!! Haha.. After carrying and installing with some help of the church members, at the end, we get it done. The whole process, I talked.. a lot..

Then by the time we finished it, it's already afternoon and it's time for our worship practice but I did not join in because I need to fetch some members to church later in the evening. So during the worship service, ah ha, I was quiet. After worship service, we had our one of the big events in FCC; Music Revolution 2+.. The whole programs was good, we had fun and the atmosphere was so good.. So the whole process, I talked.. a lot...

After the whole thing, I'm sending back them back again and we had our supper at SS2 murni. I talked.. again.. On my way back, I was on the phone and I talked again..

Man, that was tired man.. 

15th September 2008??

In this very moment, I'm struggling. Tomorrow I need to meet with my pastor about my future time calling working in church. I wonder why at first I'm ok with it, but when the time is approaching near, I struggled.. 

All the while, I knew that my calling is firm and I knew that my future will certainly end up serving God full time in church. But I'm naturally weak as a human being and I failed to realize that I need to sacrifice so much, for me personally. But nothing will stop me though. Nothing.. No matter how hard it will be for me, for the sake of the call, I will do it. 

And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. – 1 Corinthians 10:13

Let this be a reminder to me whenever I’m facing difficulties and having the tendency to give up.

God, I knew that I would have to go through the process of character molding and I knew that it will be hard; it might so hard that I wanted to give up. But God, give me that strength, perseverance, endurance, patient, and most importantly, give me that assurance that You’ll be with me. That’s what I really need.

**The dates? It might be the date I will join into full time ministry..**

KK, here I come..

Yeah, another 15 more hours I can meet my darling in KK lu.. After 3 months of long distance relationship, finally we can see each other. And what makes me stay up until so late and blog about it, haha, thanks to my ASSignmnet. Recently had been sleeping late because of the assignment. Sigh, so let's not talk more about that boring stuff.

So, here are little updates from me so far..

To be exact, I have another 3 more weeks then I will no longer wearing anymore Apiit's student tag. YEAH!! But at the same time, I no longer can have student's privilege. No more cheap movie ticket, no more cheap haircut, no more special discount for students, and many more. Somehow, my feeling tell me that when someone who is already working will tell me this, "Haha, welcome to our world!" Somehow..

Oh how could I ever forget this.. Hehe, by God's grace finally I’m leading a group of 3 in my share group. What's a share group? It's a group of people where we meet and we share our journey of life to encourage and to be encouraged by one another. We share our deepest fear, our ups and downs, our worries, our excitements, our interests, our passions, and most importantly we share and we get to know each other more, very much like a family; genuine relationship with one another. Our first ever meeting was on Friday. We really had fun, like really fun spending time together in playing games, singing few songs, and sharing our lives. Adele, I’m sorry to mention this again, but that is nothing close to a tractor. Hahahaha… May I invite those who doesn’t have share group, come and join us. We can't wait to share our joy together with you and to become part of us as a family.

We’ll be meeting every Friday at 8.oo p.m. in church. To find out more about our church, here’s the link (http://www.ilovefcc.com/2008.1/index.html)

Well, so far for now. I can’t think of anything else because my brain is shutting down already. Haha, till then. Oh ya, the part 3 will be posted once I’m back from KK.. Hehe.. God bless all of you..

Your grace is sufficient for me.. always.. (part 2)

Hehe, so I was late for few days, forgive me.. :P. Too busy with assignments.. So here comes the 2nd part of "Your grace is sufficient for me.. always.. part 2"

The second time I joined the youth camp was in 2006, so this time around, it is still the same problem I encountered, which is my financial status and this will always be for a student with no side incomes and foolishly try to go somewhere else for a trip. Every time when I was being called or maybe I should say being challenged by my worship leader to go for that camp, I am seriously worried about money. But whenever I thought of that, there are some people will tell me that, “Hey, don’t worry about money, when you’re doing God’s work, God will provide”. “Man, of course it is easy for you to say, it’s me that don’t have money, not you.” That was what I used to say silently in my heart when people said that to me. But that was me previously of course. So this might come across your mind, do you usually thinks that there is no one understand your feeling what you’re going through in that moment? I used to think that people don’t understand what I’m going through during the period, but the matter of fact is, people really do understand. Nothing is new under the sun, that’s what God says. So, don’t ever think that you are the only one that facing that problem, in fact, all of us do.


So, there are two very important people came into my story of blessing, first is Kevin and the second one is Irene. Kevin offered himself to help those who do not have enough money or financial problem. Some sort of a money lender like that. It’s not “loan shark” ar, because he did not charge with interest. Then I borrowed a sum of money from him to pay off my air ticket. Then Irene came into my story because out of nowhere, she gave me an envelope. And of course you guys know what is in the envelope right? Yup, it’s the money. I really thank God for her, and btw, she’s my spiritual mother because she was the witness when I was baptized. The envelope that she gave me eases me a lot in paying my debts. Because of both of them, I was able to joined to the camp and served in the camp as an electric guitarist. I also will share about my journey becoming an electric guitarist when I have time to do so (this is sort of like a sneak peak. Hahaha).

So after came back from the camp, I am clearing my debts by monthly like what I’ve told him my payment scheme would be. At the last 2nd payment, he said to me that “No need to pay for the last 2 installment, treat it as a blessing.” Wao, blessing after blessing.

It really proves me that our God is not a joking God, in Hakka they called it “mou gau xiao oh!” When He says that He’ll provide, man, you’ve gotta be prepare for it man. Don’t play play with our God. So for those who are afraid or fear of something that stopping you in achieving something great for our God, from now on you don’t have to be. Our powerful God that is in control of everything is living in us, yes, in you. You can do almost countless of things when Christ is in you. Impossible is a word that doesn’t exist in God’s dictionary, it’s only found in human’s dictionary.

So this is the 2nd part of the stories. Recently another great testimony happened to me. So that would be in part 3. Till then.. Peace..

This was the team that went to the Camp in KK. Haha, Desmond, you're still thin that time. Hahaha..

Your grace is sufficient for me.. always.. (part 1)

For the past three days, I’ve experienced the wonderful blessing from God. Allow me to share my joy with you. For the past few months ago, I was still struggling to decide whether wanted to go to youth camp at KK(Kota Kinabalu). Btw, that youth camp I mentioned, it was a camp that organized by Sabah Diocese every year. The purpose is to gather all the teenagers from age 13-20++ (haha, I used to fall under 20 category, anyway..) to worship God together and to build relationship between the Anglican’s churches in Sabah.

Back to where I am, I have been joining this camp about 3 times including this time. And every time I joined this camp, I have a struggle which is my financial status. Well, people said that Air Asia is the cheapest airline, well, until a certain point I do agreed with that. But as a student, for me, I still find difficulties in finding my own money to buy the air ticket. But each and every time God knew my circumstances. He’s there to always provide me. The first time I went to that camp was in year 2005. The blessing of God to me was, He provided me a cheaper air ticket. The story goes like this, a team from FCC (which is my church Faith Christian Center) were joining the camp and all of them were buying the tickets earlier to make sure the flight was available on that day. So the price that time was around 180++ if I'm not mistaken. A few people asked me to buy during the same time. But I was a student, how can I afford that. So I decided to trust in God and of course I did prayed for a cheaper price. And well, God was really good to me, in about a month later, God pulled the price down to 80++.. I saved about, well, you do the calculation lar.. Haha.. And I forget to mentioned that, it was about a week ago before we left.

God really understand my needs at that moment, I was left nothing to say but just to praise Him and to ponder more of Him. That was about 3 years ago.. I'll continue my "Your grace is sufficient for me.. always.. (part 2)" some other day because I'm feeling really sleepy and hungry.. Sigh, I hate I'm hungry when it's time to sleep..

This was me taken in some mountain in Tawau la, forgot the name already.. Oh boy, I'm still skinny that time... Haha.. Till then.. Peace

The meaning of failure

For some people, “failure” or “failed” or whatever word that is close to that meaning, is a word that they will try their best not to learn the meaning from any kind dictionary or even if we can, we don’t want to know this word even exist. The word failure really seems hard to digest isn’t it? But the matter of fact is, whether you like it or not, failure is a part of life. Let me explain why. When we were about a year or 2, we start to learn how to walk, and part of the learning progress, we fell. And when we were about 2 to 3 years old, we start to learn how to run, and part of the learning progress, we fell. When we were in our primary school, well, this doesn’t apply to all, we failed our tests and exams. When we in our secondary school, it doesn’t apply to all as well, we failed our tests and exams, but this time, we add a little more stuff, some of them might have failed in their relationship as well. When we are in our college life, as usual, we might have failed our tests, projects, exams, relationship and etc. When we graduated, we might fail looking for jobs for like half a year or maybe more. Failure is just with us in every stages of our life. But of course, there are people who had never failed before in their life, well; I do thank God that He had really blessed them. But most of us, we do encountered many failures in our lives.

Imagine what if we stop learning walking when we fell or we stop dating when we failed our first relationship or we stop studying when we first failed our paper? Or imagine what if Alexander Graham Bell gave up on his research after failing so many times just to make the telephone works, or what if Wright’s brother gave up after the first attempts to flight were not successful, or what if even Christ gave up after being accused he’s a blasphemer and all He did on earth is for us, to prepare a path of salvation of mankind. And if He choose not to die on the cross during His suffering at Gethsemane knowing that He is going to die soon? The matter of fact is all of them they did not gave up on their failures. That is why we have our telephone, airplanes and even salvation. Failure is a reason for all of us to do better next time, is an opportunity to become a better person. Treat failure as your close friend, he will make you a better person.

Failure was never meant to crush you, but to make you even stronger, tougher, steadier, mature, wiser, and the list goes on. So far for now.. Peace..

Another week..

Ah ha, I've made it.. Haha.. This week I was assigned again to fetch people back to damansara. Last week, I dare not to fetch them back because I was not sure about the road. But today, haha, I've not fail myself. All of them are safe back to their houses. Thank God.. Haha.

Regarding about the previous post, few days ago some thoughts came across my mind when I'm listening to David Cook's songs. I was wondering, how good it is if I know him personally as a close friend. Or maybe Jessica Alba since I'm watching Honey right now on TV3. Or maybe Tom Cruise since suddenly "The Last Samurai" popped out of my mind. That would really made me really different isn't it? I think I would have more privillage than normal people. I get to know their personally, what places that they have been before, what funny things had happened to them before or what interesting things happened to them. It will also make me feel proud because I have a famous celebrities as my friend.

As I think a little bit more further, I think I would have more privillage if I'm a son of a King or maybe a President or something. I can do everything, almost everything I can. I can eat whatever food I want to eat, I can buy whatever clothes I want, I can buy many guitars as I want and the lists goes on and on and on..

If you're proud because you have celebrities as your friend, or maybe you're proud because you're son of someone, I believe and you should be even proud if you are a friend of God. Hey, is God wor. Have you ever thought of God can be your bestfriend?? God extend His invitation to us to be His friend. I believe that it is the highest privillage that we can have. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. Can you find a friend like that? Well, I found one.. Jesus.. He died on the cross to wiped off our sins once and for all that we may find hope again. Treasure God more would you? :)

Things to think..

I was quite bored the whole day. Just a random question wanted to post out to you guys. Do you like to spend time in thinking something or certain issues? What stuff that you guys usually will think?

A letter from the Father..

My friend sent me a link and I wanted to share how caring our Father in heaven is..

Father's Love Letter
My Child ~You may not know me, but I know everything about you ~ Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up ~ Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways ~ Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered ~ Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image ~ Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being ~ Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring ~ Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived ~ Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation ~ Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book ~ Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live ~ Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made ~ Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb ~ Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born ~ Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me ~ John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love ~ 1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you ~ 1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child and I am your father ~ 1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could ~ Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father ~ Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand ~ James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs ~ Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope ~ Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love ~ Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore ~ Psalm 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing ~ Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you ~ Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession ~ Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul ~ Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things ~ Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me ~ Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart ~ Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires ~ Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine ~ Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager ~ 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles ~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you ~ Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart ~ Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes ~ Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth ~ Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus ~ John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed ~ John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being ~ Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you ~ Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you ~ 1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love ~ Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me ~ 1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you from my love again ~ Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen ~ Luke 15:7

I have always been Father, and will always be Father ~ Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is ~ Will you be my child? ~ John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you ~ Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad, Almighty God

Can I know the way to...

What a day.. Today is quite special to me cause I've experienced new things today. Firstly, today is special because it was a "Bring a friend weekend". The purpose is to bring new friends to listen to some of the live testimonies shared by our church members. Indeed it was a very good reminder how God is working in each every individuals lives. Somehow, the excitement continues...

I get to know 8 new friends today.. They are:

1. Chay (This guy really looks like Chan Ho (Moses).. Not kidding..

2. Grace

3. Sarah

4. Yvonne (I'm not sure whether this is the correct spelling or not)

5. Amos

6. James

7. Oh no, I forgot 2 names... hahaha.. Sorry :P

8. Jason (this guy I already knew previously)

I need to send them back to their home, the great news is, except for KDU, I have no idea at all where are the rest are staying.. Here are some of the place where they live, KBU, Pusat Bandar Damansara, and also Paramount (if I'm not mistaken). So I have totally no idea how to send them back, so I decided to bring them to have their dinner first meanwhile, try to get some help from other people. Well, at the end, I needed Desmond's help.. I tried not to involve him because we had a deal earlier on.. Either I will drive to damansara or kajang. So I chose damansara because kajang seems even not familiar to me.. Gosh, who knows..

So at the end, Desmond have to travel twice, poor guy.. Sorry Des, I really don't mean it..

So I think I have memorized the all their places, next time, I believe I can send them back already.. haha..

Here is the directions, just in case though...

From Western Digital turns right, then go straight till pass 2 traffic lights then turns right, then meet another traffic light again turns left, then turn right again go through housing areas, then turn right again, then turn left and turn left again.. Taa daa, I've just reached Paramount..

Then from there turn right and then turn left, then turn right, taa daa, I'm save.. I finally know where I am.. I'm in SS2. So KDU was not a problem.. And after KDU is KBU.. Well, it's not that hard for KBU as well.. I can memorized that so does the PBD..

Haha, end of story... hahaha..

Change Look..

Hehe, a new fresh look on my blog.. Jenny, I also changed lio leh.. Haha.. Oppss, then I ma let you know what time I sleep lio..

The Doctor and the Frog

So recently I was looking into jokes due to overstress for my final year project and I found this. Enjoy..

The Doctor and the Frog

So there is a doctor wanted to do a study on frogs. So he caught one frog and he decided to do experiment on how high can a frog really jumps. So somehow, this is a joke, assume that the frog understand english ok? So he tell the frog "Frogie, jump!". (So the name just prompted suddenly..)

And so the frog jumps. So in his reports he wrote, "Ok, 4 feet frog = jumps 4 feet high". Then he thinks for a while, let's cut off one of his leg and see how high forgie can jump and so he did. So again he tell the frog to jump and the frog did.

So he wrote in the report, "3 feet frog = jumps 3 feet high". So he continue again with his research, cut another leg. Again he asked the frog to jump, and the frog jumps. In his report, he wrote "2 feet frog = jumps 2 feet high". So he decides to cut another one leg and asked the frog to jump agian and the frog jumps again. So in the report, "1 feet frog = jumps 1 foot high".

So this doctor decided to cut off the remaining leg of frogie.. He tell forgie, "Jump.. Jump.. JUMP FROGIE!!!". So in his report he wrote this.. "Frog with no feet = goes deaf"

Well, I'm not sure will everyone gets it or not, cuz I've explained this joke before, and you know that when jokes have to be explained, it's not fun at all.. hahaha..

A little sense of Humor

So, I came across this joke, feel like wanted to share it out. Though there's a bit offensive, but nevertheless, enjoy.. :)


Who Is God?

A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"
"Both son. God is both."
After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"
"Both son, both."
"Daddy, does God love children?"
"Yes son, he loves all children."
The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"

So the lesson here is, how do you tell other's about God is important.. Don't simply answer for the sake of shutting up your children's mouth.. hahaha..

Updates*

Long time I have not update my blog since don’t know when. Few of my friends told me that “hey, go and update your blog la!”. Well, not that I don’t want to update my blog, just that somehow I’m out of topics and ideas of what to blog. Somehow, sometimes I do feel the urged to blog and what is stopping me to do that is sometimes I think if it is too personal, I don’t feel comfortable sharing it out. Well, anyway, here is some update about my current status.

For studies, this is already my final year and my final semester of my studies life. I will be graduating in September if nothing goes wrong and hopefully nothing will goes wrong. Sigh, the more I have to stay in college the more lazy I’ll get. This is already my final year and my final year project is killing me, yet I still do nothing about it. Somehow, I just don’t feel like doing it. Ya, I know I still have to do it anyway, but the constant struggle in me is really killing me. All the while, I’ve been very grateful to God because He’s grace is really sufficient for me. Throughout my whole college life till now, I’ve never failed before in any of my subjects. Thank God for that.. But for this time, I’m not so sure anymore, It’s not that God don’t want to bless me, it’s my own laziness will cause me to failed. I seriously need to deal with this for the last time in my college life.

For relationship, well long distance relationship is really not fun to play at all. Btw, fyi, my the other half is in KK now for those who still doesn’t know. It’s has been more than a month we are in long distance relationship. It’s really tough for me cuz this is the first time I’m having such a relationship. I’m a person who doesn’t like to talk on the phone and for now that’s the only tool we have to communicate with one another. I felt constant struggle also but not always the case of course. Sometimes I feel very excited to talked to her on the phone, but sometimes, I just feel don’t. But communication is essential for both of us, so no matter how I don’t wish to talk on the phone also I have to.

For my band, haiy, somehow, it doesn’t seems to work out that well after all. Originally there was 4 of us, that’s why we named ourselves as UNITED4. Huh, I almost forget what we named ourselves. But now the current band members left me and my drummer. I still remember that why we named this is because we wanted to be united among our members and also united for something else like for Christ. But somehow, the name doesn’t really suit the band cuz we aren’t united. I am still preparing myself for a day that I will have my own band and also my own album. But this seems to be still quite far away from me. Sometimes, I tend to give up, but I don’t want to just give up like that. I wanted to achieved something that I loved the most. There is only one life, and I wanted to live it well and I don’t want to leave any regrets when I look back the past in future telling myself that “I should have done this long time ago”. I pray that God will guide.

For my spiritual growth, this is even worst. Maybe I have been too busy being a Martha that I totally forget about being Mary. I worked and worked and worked, and I totally despite the Lord. Is ironic is it? Doing God’s work without involving God in it? Recently I don’t feel God like how I used to feel long time ago, and I knew that I have a problem, it’s me. I feel like I’m walking not towards God, but away from God. I need to get back to God agian. I believe that this is the very reason why my life is in a mess right now. My relationship with God is not right. When the relationship with God is not right, everything else seems to be not right. I didn’t not recieved His guidance, His steps and His planning for me. I did not plan any of my plans also. I just turn my auto-pilot function on.

These constant struggle I feel like is another whole new level to me. Like what my pastor had preached the other day, the israelites(me) is focusing on the struggles that they are facing, but God focus on the opportunities to growth through suffering. God has been always good, always.. It is through suffering that we know that are many things we can’t handle it ourselves, especially our lives. I can’t even assure what will happened on the next second. The only I think I can really do now is to wait upon the Lord, and my strength will rises, to know His power in quietness and trust. Then when the ocean rise and thunder storms in life, I will soar with Him like an eagle above the storms.

The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth.

He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding.

He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.

Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall.

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.

They will soar high on wings like eagles.

They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

(Isaiah 40:28-31)